This Christmas, I've discovered something about myself - and Christmas itself - that I never realized before.
Or if I did, I had forgotten it.
You see, as a child growing up, my parents always made our Christmas's magical. Gifts, and warmth, beautiful meals and the traditions that we were brought up with, always left me feeling grounded and secure.
I was Blessed.
Then I had my own children... and I continued the same traditions that I had grown up with, with my children... as well as adding a few of my own.
Like a Happy Birthday Jesus cake, so that my children would always remember the true reason for the season.
As well as gifting others, who perhaps weren't as fortunate as we were.
Some of the presents that I would buy from their Dad and I, were wrapped and put under the tree a week or so before Christmas day, and my children would then pick one of their own wrapped gifts to give away.
They didn't know what was in the wrapped gift that they chose, so it was always a surprise as to what they had received... until they unwrapped it.
And the gift that they chose, would then be matched with a child who had a star on the Christmas tree at the department store.
I will always remember my youngest son Jake choosing a present, unwrapping it, and being so excited that it was the super-hero watch that he had been asking for, for months on end.
And when I reminded him that this was the gift that he had chosen to give to someone else, he looked at me, with his little eyes shining, and he said
"Yes, but oh Mama, some little boy is going to be so so so happy with his new watch!"
No tears, no unhappiness...
just absolute joy on his face, knowing that he and that watch would be making some other child happy.
And that right there, was when I knew, I was doing the whole "mom thing" right.
Gifts and warmth, beautiful meals, togetherness and traditions have always been the mainstay of my life.
But things change.
Life changes.
Situations change,
And so did my needs - and my reasons - to maintain what I had known for so many years.
I now have 2 children in Heaven, celebrating the birth of our Savior with our Savior.
And I have another child who has been estranged from me for years now.
I miss them.
So when I married Dan, I was so very blessed that he came complete with 3 children, as well as numerous grandchildren...
and they filled some of that emptiness in my heart.
But they're all mostly grown now, and one granddaughter even has a sweet little baby of her own, who will be celebrating her first Christmas this year.
Sadly, for the family, our great-granddaughters daddy
died almost a year ago, and well and truly before she was even born. So naturally, her other set of grandparents are happy and grateful that a part of their son and brother exists in our Little Bean...
I'm so happy that she will get to spend these hard to get through holidays with them, and that she will hopefully rekindle some small spark of joy in their hearts, in spite of their loss.
And I understand their needs completely.
I have to admit that I was a little sad that we would miss out on her first Christmas, but then I stopped and remembered the real reason that we celebrate Christmas.
The only reason is Christs birth.
And inexplicably, I felt complete and utter peace.
So, with no one but us to fuss over,
no one but us to cook for,
and with no little ones, to delight in the decorations...
We've returned to the true, real and most simple meaning of Christmas.
~ Christs birth ~
This year, we're focusing on the actual reason for the season.
And I hope it always remains this way.
