Rats are eating my brains...

Oh Lordy... I had my first migraine when I was just about 2 years old, and I can still remember being scared that I would die or that brain stuff was going to come out my ears and I was too frightened to move.
My mama understood what I was going through, because she had them herself... but the good news was that I had what were called "juvenile migraines" - and the doctors promised me that I would outgrow them.

I guess in one way I did... but sadly, they just morphed into "adult migraines" with little or no let up.
Every few weeks, the black brain eating rats of death would come on me, and I spent far too many years laying on the bathroom floor, only rousing enough to stick my head in the toilet.

I learned that there were "triggers" and I learned to avoid them... but although avoiding the triggers 'sometimes' lessened the subsequent attacks, they never went away entirely.

I learned to pay attention to the prodromes... those funny little signs like flashing zig-zag lights, or smelling rotten oranges or numb dead feeling hands or feet or even burps that felt like they were coming from the very soles of my feet - that always told me that a migraine was waiting in the wings and getting ready to pounce.

Prodromes:

flashing lights, wavy lines, spots, partial loss of sight, blurry vision
olfactory hallucinations (smelling odors that aren't there - like rotten oranges)
tingling or numbness of the face or extremities on the side where the headache develops

cold hands or feet
difficult finding words and/or speaking like you're drunk
confusion
vertigo
partial paralysis
auditory hallucinations
decrease in or loss of hearing
reduced sensation
hypersensitivity to feel and touch

Yawning

food craving

depression

altered mood

fatigue

hot ears

euphoria

irritability

stiff neck muscles

diarrhea

queasy stomach symptoms

constipation and increased urination

and burping.

I learned long, long ago to lock myself in a dark room (and to always have a bucket handy) and to try and sleep it off.
Losing untold years of my life - and missing out on my children's lives, in the process.

Then when I was in my 30's, I was told that menopause would be the end of them. My hormone levels would change... yada yada yada.
Bring it on, baby!

But again... They lied.
That blessed, longed-for day came and went about 5 years ago.
And although I had a short break from the fortnightly or monthly migraines, they came back with a vengeance.

I've tried every cure known to man - from Cafergot suppositories stuck up my bum with 4 hour regularity, ('scuse me for being gross here, but I'm just being honest) to triptan medications, calcium channel blockers to beta-blockers, tricyclic anti-depressants like amitriptyline and nortriptyline to anti-epileptic drugs and steroids.

To soaking my feet and hands in near boiling water to pull the blood out of my head... to foot massages and back rubs to full-blown 2 hour professional massages.
Bio-feedback and acupuncture... I've done it all.

And some of 'em work.
Temporarily.
And some of them don't work at all.

The best I've ever had is 6 months of being pain free after an acupuncture treatment.
So when they started coming back, I again rushed to the acupuncturist for ongoing treatments... and got no results at all.
Nothing.
The rats in my head had set up house, and weren't going to leave for any reason.

I've learned to live with my brain eating rats of black death.
But oh my sweet Jesus... how many years have I lost in the process?
How many years - not to mention open house at school nights, baseball games, or karate demonstrations or Saturdays at the pool, did I miss out on in my children's lives?
How many times did they have to get themselves off to school, or fix their own dinners while their mom was laid up in bed with a towel wrapped around her head trying to block out all light, sounds and smells?

How many times did other mothers have to step in on my behalf, so that my kids could go swimming at the pool or lake with their friends, or even get to their various activities?
How many dollars have I spent fruitlessly trying to at least "contain" the pain - if not trying cure it?
And how well do I know what the inside of my toilet bowl looks like?

This current "rats are eating my brain and I can't open my left eye" episode has gone on for 4 days now, and the latest pain injection (sumatriptan) has done absolutely jack sh**.
The anti-emetic injection (anti-barf stuff) is working though - thank God - because the only thing worse than a migraine is puking my toenails up while my head feels like it's about to explode and splatter my brains all over the porcelain throne.

This is a cruel disease, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Does anybody have a chainsaw I can borrow?