Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Wedding is off...

Honey? I've decided.

What? What have you decided?

I've decided that I don't want to get married.

What? What are you talking about?

I've decided that I don't want to marry you, after all.

WHAT? Who said anything about us getting married?

I know baby... but see, I've been talking to my blogging friends, and I've decided that marriage isn't for me. I don't want to marry you.

What are you on about woman? I don't want to marry you either, so where did you get that idea?

You don't want to marry me? What are you saying? You don't want to marry me?
Give me three good reasons why you wouldn't want to marry me! Men would kill to marry me, I'm telling you!

Well, for one thing, I like being on my own.

What do you mean that you like being on your own? Don't you like being with me? What's wrong with me, that you don't want to spend time with me? Why wouldn't you want to live with me? Don't you like being with me??

Yes I do, but....

But what?

Well, you can get some weird ideas sometimes and I never know what to think...

I get weird ideas? What about you and your towel washing obsessions? At least I don't have laundry obsessions!
But that's only one reason, what are the other two reasons that you don't want to marry me?
C'mon big boy... spit it out.

Well... you can nag a bit.

ME? Nag? You've got to be joking! If I ask you something and you don't listen, I have to repeat myself 100 times. And it still doesn't get done. That's not called nagging - that's just called reminding you! I wouldn't have to call handy men in to do the work that you should be doing, if you would just do what you promised you would do!! If you would just do as I ask, I wouldn't need to keep repeating myself. Or nagging, as you so nastily put it.

See, that's it. You bought this house and then you expect me to come in and do all the chores that you don't want to do.

WHAT? For your information, I work for a living and it's bloody hard to get time to do anything that needs to be done around here! How dare you! You would think that if you really loved me, you would want to take some of the burden off me! You would want to make me happy!
You're retired... and what do you do with your precious free time, I would like to know? Wash towels?
You've been telling me for two years that you want to go fishing... but do you ever get off your lazy ass and do anything about it? No... you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. You lay in bed and look at boat brochures, but do you ever go out and buy another boat? No... that would be too much like work for you, wouldn't it? And with the fishing? You're so lazy, that I'll bet that if they made pre-baited hooks, you would be all over them, like ducks on a June-bug!

Calm down, babe. Besides, what's wrong with not wanting to get married?

Calm DOWN? How dare you! I am calm. Or at least as calm as I can be, after being informed that you don't love me enough to marry me!

Babe, I do love you enough to marry you. I just don't want to get married. I swear, if I wanted to get married, you would be the only woman that I would want to be married to.

What do you mean by that? So you're saying that you have other women, but I'm the only one you would want to marry? Who are these other women? Here I thought you were home washing towels all day, and I find out that you've been running around with other women?

Woman, what are you talking about? Who said anything about other women?

YOU did, you ungrateful, lazy, single and liking it, man you. Like I would want to marry you in the first place!!! HA!
Well, I'm here to tell you that I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth! If the continuation of our
species depended on you and I getting married, mankind would just have to become extinct! I wouldn't marry you if you came gift wrapped!
But... that's only TWO reasons why you don't want to marry me.
Whats' the other reason? Come on.. let's hear another lame excuse for not wanting to marry me!
Just say it!

Well... you do fly off the handle a bit.

I fly off the handle? What are you, nuts? I do NOT fly off the handle. You tell me you don't want to marry me because you have other women, who don't nag you or expect anything of you other than to sit around looking like a room decoration, and you're putting the blame on me???
That's it. Go home.
And I hope
you find mooshy spider parts on one of your precious towels, after you've dried yourself.

It's official.
We're not getting married.

The jerk.
Can you believe how he can carry on?


Robynn's Ravings said...

You outlined that "fight" pretty darn well, girlfriend! One of you isn't necessary! lol (And I'm votin' for him because we can't live without you!)

I just watched, "He's Just Not That into You" and it was a hoot. You'd love it if you haven't seen it. I understand most men don't care for it. Probably gives us a little too much insider information! I'll unpack the wedding gift now. I could use a new car anyway. ;D

Kurichan said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Once again, you crack me up, woman! (BTW, tell The Old Guy that I still want to go fishing! --But I will wait for the weather to warm up so he has plenty of time to plan it out!!) ;-)

Anonymous said...

You mean no one washed the spidery towels yet?

darsden said...

LOL felt like I was at a tennis match watchng the ball go back and

Libby's Library said...

I'm laughing so hard...I can't even get out the C word!!!!!!

Narelle said...

Too funny Katie :)
We must catch up soon.

Tatersmama said...

Robynn, Ummm damn... I never thought about wedding gifts!
Kurichan, Hopefully, while I'm off work for the Costco opening, we can ALL get some fishing in!!! Besides... he does as he's told. Right?
Right? ;-)
Marilyn, This is MY house. That spidery towel was in the washer before I even got back in the shower! I ran nekkid through the house, threw it in the washer and prayed that if anything was left of it, it was good and drowned!
darsden, Sorry... The last time I was at a tennis match, I got a stiff neck from turning my head back and forth. I hope yours is okay. ;-)
Libby, You know what I'm talkin' about... right?
I guess Ill just have to tone it down a bit, because I LOVE your Crisco comments! *snort*

Tania said...

The cheek of the man saying those things about you!

We all know why women talk more than men don't we? It's because we have to REPEAT everything we say over and over before they listen!!!

Who needs 'em anyway?


Marjie said...

Dammit! Here and I had already begun planning a fancy new dress to wear to the wedding, and I was getting ready to hunt up cases of Best Foods Mayo and Crisco for wedding presents. Sheeeit! And I was looking forward to Australia. Thor was coming, too.

Katidids said...

Thats it, I need a new keyboard!!! Spewing coffee again!'d think i would have better AB's by now! I think we've all had convos like that! If they just did things the first time.....they could save themselves all this trouble!

Bz said...

The only thing I am left wondering is if ANY of this dialogue REALLY occurred... because lady, you are sooo sweet (I can tell). I am over here rooting away saying YEAH!, tell him what you think ... not that I have ANY thing against the old guy .... I just KNOW you're uncommonly kind and sometimes sweet people don't speak up for themselves so well.
So, yayyy... I think.

Sherri said...

love ya Katie!

Homestay Mama said...

Aw shucks! I think you two just need to kiss and make up. :-D

rubiesrnotpurple said...

Ha, ha, ha.
You are way to close to the truth there. I'm sure I've heard that conversation or something very similar at my place.
I needed a good laugh, even if I was nodding my head at the same time.
Too gorgeous Katietatie you. Thank you.

Paula said...

I told you men dont change. lol

Faithful said...

T-momma..I think you are going at this all wrong..(Disclaimer: Close your eyes when you read this if your under age here cause I'm trying to be risque!!) ..but..I always promise my old man the MOON!!! (wink wink!) if he would only do this or that for me..he would get his rewards!! Most times it gets his sorry arse off the sofa and he falls for everytime!..AND I've yet to pay my debt! (bonus) Do you have a nasty nightie you can dangle in front of him? It has works for me for 39 years of marriage on June 14th!
oh yeah....tell the old man to watch out for that towel washing turns into a full-blown stealing-socks-off-peoples'-feet washing obsession.. I feel his pain!

Nancy M. said...

It is amazing how he went on and on! Men!

You always make me smile! Or roll in the floor!

Becky said...

Does this mean I have to return the dress I was going to wear to the wedding???

Faithful said...

Oh yea, Thanks for dropping in and your continued concern. My fingers have survived the Artic frostbite- Thank GOD I wore my ear muffs!-
And I was saving the Van de Kamps for your wedding gift but now.. I was just wondering??? we might be better suited if we traded.. your long unders for my red and black nasty nighties!

Anita said...

CRACK ME UP.........Why are these things so predictable that every woman is sitting there thinking the same thing as you are typing !I'm not getting married either- which means I don't have to diet to fit into the size 10 wedding gown I got at auction for $5...(weak moment) maybe I can turn it into a Prom dress...or sell it on Craig's List and buy me another faux diamond ! Since I don't need the money for YOUR wedding present.

Gramma 2 Many said...

I knew you were to good for him:) Glad the whole marraige thing is out of your head. Just have him over to mow the yard and everything will be fine.
You gave me a good chuckle today. Thanks.

Reddirt Woman said...

One of my favorite sayings is if you treat a woman like a thoroughbred you won't get an old nag. I don't know what that would have to do with marriage except for the fact that I think if his towels are more important than doing the things he'd said he'd do I wouldn't want to marry him either...



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