Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Men

Are so stupid.

Well to be fair, not all of them, thank goodness... or the species would never survive,


I went out with the Old Guy after I got off work yesterday afternoon.
A lovely outing to our local Big W to buy stacks of books for me while I'm on holidays, and some hankies for the Old Guy... and then we went around to the park to feed the ducks and to count the baby geese.


But, while we were in Big W, I had noticed that the Old Guys barn door was open - as it were - and I tried tactfully and quietly, to inform him of this fact.


Ermmm... honey? Your barn door is open.


Huh?


Your barn door? It's open, and the cow will get out.


Huh? What on earth are you talking about?


You know... your barn door. Check your barn door. (doing the whole tilting my head at his pants and motioning with my eyes thing, looking straight at his crotch... while whispering so no one would hear)


All I get is a quizzical look.


I try again.
And I raise my voice just a titch.


Honey, *sigh* your zipper is down, and you have those damn green little bitty "they don't cover hide nor hair" undies on. Not a good look. Okay?


Oooh... well why didn't you just say so? Next time, just tell me that my zippers down, but Bloody hell, please just whisper it, instead of talking out loud like that, so I don't look like an idiot.
Have a little class, okay?

Okay honey.


So an hour later, after feeding the ducks, we ran into some old friends who were walking their dogs.
And because it was cold and rainy out and the wind was blowing a gale, my eyes had started watering and I had sneezed a few times.


So while standing there talking to these people, the Old Guy turns to me, and in his heartiest, loudest, "let's let the whole world in on this little tidbit" voice says,


"Babe? You have a big green booger hanging out of your nose.
Can't you wipe it on your sleeve or sumthin'?
I would loan you one of the hankies I just bought, but they're new.


He's free to a good home.
I swear he is.

13 comments:

Kurichan said...

hahahahahahahahahaha! Let the vacation begin! :-)

Kathy said...

OMG!! How embarrassing. I would kick him in the shins or something. Next time don't tell him when his barn door is open. Ha ha!!

Caroline said...

lmaooo.. thanks for a good giggle this morning Katie. :) You aughta know by now that subtle hints dont work ;)

Neas Nuttiness said...

Did you at least hit him over the head with a stick?
Ooooooh - why don't you smear some good old Crisco on his bathroom floor...he might just slip, hit his head, and come to his senses!

Lee-Ann said that you liked my name suggestion for her cows. I swanne, one of those suckers is always walk'n on water!!!

Bz said...

HAAAaaaaa! ...OmyLordy...... I'm so sorry........... but, just hilARIous! ...sorry- not meaning to laugh at your embarrassment, but too funny. I might have brought up his cow and all (well, not literally) at that point to remind about subtleness.
Love these little everyday, nothing big, part of our life, stories. Yours' are great.

Gramma 2 Many said...

To funny!! Maybe the barn door is an Americanism and he just did not truly understand.
And I agree with Libby, I think he needs a little crisco.

Fruitcake Sandy said...

Oh Ms. Katie ... I'm trying not to pee in my pants while laughing out loud. Been there - done that (on both sides of the 'issue'!) Enjoy your holiday and thanks for the 'beer belly laugh'!!!

Nancy M. said...

Men, you gotta love them or kill them, maybe! They sure think differently from us, lol!

Roslyn said...

MEN........My DH is looking like Grizzly Adams[ DS new nick name for the old guy]. He won't listen to me he is growing this disgusting grey brillo pad on his face that does NOT flatter him & I am so disgusted. Don't come near me with that thing! EEEEEEUUUUUUUWWWWW
MEN................

farmlady said...

"He's free o a good home." You're too funny. I understand completely. Man are from Mars. Right?

farmlady said...

That would be "...,TO a good home." but you understand.

Homestay Mama said...

The tears are rolling down my cheeks as I type--and I can't stop chuckling! Thanks for the good laugh!

Here's what I always said to my husband (when I was still married).

"Honey, XYZ!"

Translation:
X examine
Y your
Z zipper

Debbie in CA : ) said...

I just popped over from Good Ground. I read this post and burst out laughing. You just added a much needed dose of hilarity to a mundane day of chores. Bless you. (Now I must be off to finish those chores before dinner time arrives and the chore list expands.)

: D (still giggling . . . )


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