Monday, May 4, 2009

Hi honey's... I'm hoooome !

I'm finally back on-line and I've got to face it... I'm addicted to the Internet.
Bad.

My computer went down last Thursday night and after many sleepless nights tossing and turning... and days of headaches and hassles, I'm finally back on-line.
I spoke to techie support guys in India and the Philippines so many times and for so many hours, that I'm developing a serious accent.
Really.

I had one local techie out on Saturday... and after 2 hours of fiddling and farting around, he said "well, I've replaced your modem, which obviously has died and gone to heaven... done scans and got you this far, but now, you have to take it from here.

So all you need to do is contact your service provider and find out your original password that you received within minutes of setting this baby up back in 2005.

Then enter this address on this screen I'll leave up and running for you.
Just enter "jurlosneufhg" and then go to menu and enter "goudljgu" in the highlighted box, click on the red box at the very bottom of the screen... tell them what you ate for breakfast back on July 2nd 1957 and voila... Bob's yer uncle".
You should be back on-line.
That'll be $130, thanks.

Which might have worked - I dunno. The problem was, about 3 hours after he left, my monitor decided to sh** poop itself, and it went totally black.
I could hear music, so obviously I was still on-line in some rudimentary, teasing, half-arsed fashion, but I couldn't see a darn thing.

So I called another guy at random out of the phonebook.
Well, actually, I called about 10 guys at random out of the phonebook, but none of them were answering the phone at 9am on a fine Monday morning.

So, I did what any self-respecting, computer-less woman with time on her hands would do.
I went shopping.

For a new monitor.
Oh, and some killer speakers to go with it.

But I still didn't have any Internet and there was no telling when I could get back on-line, but when I did manage to get back on-line, I would at least be able to do it in style.

And I mean Style, with a capital S.

This baby is so big and so flash and so amazingly *in yer face* that even the The Pioneer Woman would be envious of me. I mean that. Ree would take one look at my brand new screen... and turn green with envy.
This is big leagues stuff, baby. I wanna play in the big leagues, and this is the equipment to do it with, let me tell ya.
This monitor is like trading in pitiful little Peewee Herman for Sean Connery... in a tuxedo, no less.

So while we were ( me and the Old Guy) battling to get big-arsed monitor and his little speaker buddies out of their box... and doing our best not to kill each other whilst doing it,
someone actually called me back from one of those 10 desperate, wasted phone messages I had left to any and everyone in the phonebook... begging for help. One guy out of ten called me back.

And this guy promised to be out within an hour and to do everything I asked him to do...
Like install Sean Connery and his little speaker buddies as well as get me up and running again.

I had never spoken to this man before in my life... but I loved him already.

He showed up within 50 minutes... and he walked in the door dressed in black and charcoal grey striped dress trousers, a beautiful glittery black jacket and a mauve shirt... looking like a young version of Elvis crossed with a Mafia boss on his way to do a financial deal with the Prime Minister's minions.
But as long as he could get me back on-line ... despite his highly somewhat inappropriate clothes, he was still The Man for me.

Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I do clean my house.
I have to - to do what I do with the kids and all.
But I had never ever thought to get down behind the desk and dust the damn cords and cables and little black boxes that are back there - or the little shelf that they sit on. I mean... who thinks to do that stuff?
Out of sight... out of mind, ya know what I mean ?

So within 5 minutes, my guy wasn't quite as pristine and glorious as he was when he walked in the door.
There were dust-bunny dreadlocks hanging from his knees and elbows, he had smears of dust in his beautiful jet-black pompadour and cobwebs hanging from his earlobes - and his striped trousers were now a uniform sneeze-inducing gray.

But he worked wonders for me.
He spent literally 5 and a half hours fiddling and farting around in the guts of my computer, talking to.. and having me talk to heavily accented techie support guys halfway around the world and doing my utmost to translate techie gobbledy-gook for him...

But eventually, he got me back on-line.
He got me back on-line, talked me through everything he had done, did some funny stuff with ram sticks to increase my memory.
(which made me feel like I was channeling Gladys, because I kept saying "honey, I'm sure that means something").
He got Sean Connery here installed in pride of place on my desktop and got these killer speakers installed and doof-doofing away as well.
I love this boy!

He brought me back to you...
And for that, I would have paid him twice what he asked for.
And he only asked for $180!!
Does that make you feel cheap?

I missed my computer and I'll admit it...
But more than that, I missed you guys!

*sigh*

Honey's... I'm Hooome !

36 comments:

darsden said...

Welcome Home Honey...man don't cha just freak without a computer now. I know I do LOL. A well dress man and to boot a well dress geek man. Wonderful for you...I understand the foreign language you are speaking of. I end up screaming in the phone. English, English, Please somebody in English..LOL Welcome back...you have a lot of catching up to do from Thursday..better get on it.. ;-o

darsden said...

See how I was just sitting here waiting on you..LOL ;-p

Tatersmama said...

darsden... LOL! We're addicted, aren't we?
I barely got tis puppy published, and here came your comment... so you MUST have been just sitting there waiting on little ol' me.
Or stalking.
Or something.
Should I be worried? *snort*
;-D
I tell ya... it's good to be hooome again!

ga.farmwoman said...

I have been right there, well right there here in Georgia. Dust and all with a little Howdy Doody fellow(exactly) wheezing behind my computer wires. I clean too. Missed that spot though.
I would have traded 1 Mafia Elvis for 3 of the Howdy Doody computer fellows.
Everything on my computer was erased. Everything!
Anyway a new modem and words I didn't know could come out of my Magnolia pure mouth later, I was back on line too.
Yes, I am a internet addict too. I haven't worked on any 12 step program for it yet.

Welcome back. I loved your description of the whole ordeal.

Have a great day.
Pam

Marilyn's Money said...

Waiting and worried! I know internet crashes suck!

Pam said...

Yay! I'm glad you're back.

Nothing like a computer failure to make you feel all stupid, is there.

Out Back said...

I was wondering where you had been.

Welcome back...

Well now I am jealous of your new screen and speakers. The screen I have is a really old one (mind you my son's computer next to me has a big flashy dash screen)and it doesn't even show the proper colour. The speakers are as old as Adam as well. On second thoughts I have just purchased a new laptop, so I could just toss this one out and use that.

There seems to be a lot of people having trouble with the internet lately.

I watched something on TV the other day about the internet running out of space. What will we do then?!?

Have a great day Tatersmama.

Tania

Kathy said...

Welcome back. I was wondering if you had gone on a trip or something. Glad to hear all is well again.....

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

And we missed you TO!!!!!!

Jen

Andrea said...

We missed you too! So glad to have you back! :)

Frugal Maven said...

Welcome back! Missed you! I already have a new computer because my last one took a walk with a lovely bandit who snuck in while I was walking the dogs. It's always a pain and so much loss.
BTW, you won a book over at my blog!

Paula said...

You are funny. I actually just thought you were giving us all time to vote for your friend.

Speaking of the cleaning..I have had similar experiences. Last year our fridge went out and we had to call in the big guns. I did a really good job of pulling it out, cleaning the floor, getting the webs off the wall...Who would have remembered to actually get the webs off the back of the fridge....gross and ashamed.

Anita said...

I am so glad you are back online,also I am very happy for you and your big screen and speakers.You deserve the very best.

Nancy M. said...

I know what you mean! I feel totally lost when I'm not able to get online. Glad you got yourself a killer new monitor! It will make the experience new in itself!

I am so happy you're back! I was missing you!!!

rubiesrnotpurple said...

Bout bloody time you got back. Where you been? I've been calling the hospitals to make sure you weren't hurt ... even tried to ring the loony bin but they wouldn't give me a line out.

What do they call AA for computer addicts?

Tatersmama said...

Pam, Do they have a 12-step program for people like us? Not that you or I need it mind you.
Just askin'. ;-)
~~~~
Marilyn, Suck? It sucked the chrome off a bumper-bar, let me tell ya! I can't wait for these kiddies to just go home so I can do some serious blog-reading!
~~~~
Pam, I'm pretty well used to feeling stupid, but this was a whole NEW kind of stupid! I felt like I was at a Trekkie convention and I didn't know the language!
~~~~
Tania, Oh honey, don't be jealous. This screen is big enough for two... ;-)

I look at the old screen (that I liked just fine until I met this one) and I feel so fickle. ;-)
The internet running ou of space? You're joking!?!? What will we DO???
~~~~
Kathy, Honey getting out of the house for a few hours IS like going on a trip. Not that I;'m complaining, mind you. Well, I am, but... ;-)
~~~~
Jen... Aw shucks...*I'm blushing* Isn't it amazing just how much the friendships we make on here can mean to us?
I was pacing the floor!
~~~~
Andrea, Thanks! I can't wait to catch up nd see how you and Sophie are doing!
~~~~
Frugal Maven, ME? I won something? How cool is that! And how did you know that I was looking at this exact book on Amazon last week? Thank you! Muaahhhh!
~~~~
Paula, Honey, if I was just giving you time to vote for Libby, I would have been nagging at you every step of the way! Now I feel guilty that I didn't! I wonder how she did? Does anyone know?

And who *thinks* to clean the back of the fridge? I never do it myself, but now you've got me wondering just what in the heck is back there! Never mind...
~~~~
Anita, Awww... thank you. I already HAVE the best - because I wouldnt trade any of it for the friends I've made here! ;-)
~~~~
Nancy... I'm LMAO! This puppy is so big that I need to sit back at almost arms length - and then I can't type! But man, it's fun trying! ;-)
~~~~
Rubies, Hmmmm...I'm not sure!
Hi, My name is Tatersmama, and I'm a computerholic... ;-)
Looney Bin? Oh, is THAT where you are? I tried ringing you at home last night but no one answered the phone - so thanks for letting me know!

Are you in room 12? It's one of my favorites!!!
;-)

darsden said...

Hey your stalkers back to tell you goodnight...LOL that's twice today...!

Bz said...

...and good speakers?!? Now, you can dance around singing into your hairbrush easier!

Terry said...

Welcome back sweetie ,you were missed !!!!!!!!!
I am so glad you got that over with what a time you had.
Anyway I am so glad I kept stopping by ,not that I'm a busy body with nothing to do but go around checking in on you gals in blogland LOL .
anyhow so glad your all new and improved too !
Happy Monday and have a Blessed week.

Homestay Mama said...

So glad you are back on line! I've been missing your humor big time! Tonight you had me ROFL! You've got a real gift, honey! A real gift!

Narelle Nettelbeck said...

Hey I so feel your pain! I was without the internet for 3 weeks, that's right 3 weeks baby while Bigpond sorted themselves out. I was having huge withdrawals that's for sure!!

Glad to have you back!

(oh and I posted your books yesterday so you should have them really soon)

Kurichan said...

welcome back! was wondering where you were ;-)

A Joyful Chaos said...

Welcome back!

Fruitcake Sandy said...

Between my resident computer 'guru' and daughter 'Bz' I'm navigating this whole blogging Internet technical highway with only a few 'hiccups' myself. Thank you for your kind words about my posting. I have found some very neat new friends out here (or down under) in Blog World.

Lucas*Jennifer*Noah said...

I hate to admit it... but I am useless with out my internet... sometimes, I even get jealous when my husband is on the computer too long! lol... glad all is *finally* well!

The Wife said...

So glad your back in the bloggy world! And I am jealous of your Sean Connery monitor!

Robynn's Ravings said...

Well I've been outta the loop, too for different reasons but I'm sure glad you're back and and I hope to get to "see" you soon with my usual regularity (that sounds like it should involve prunes or something).

I busted up at your Gladys channeling. I did the same thing last night!! Great minds and all that. Grizzly was having me edit a letter and went into mind-numbing-BORING-stick-an-ice-pick-in-your-eye explanations about the technical aspects of electrical management and I was able to keep typing and say, "I'm sure that means something to somebody." I'd been waiting to use that since I heard Glayds say it! Yay for us!!!

I'll be back as soon as I can. Wwaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Jientje said...

This post is so funny!! As it happens, I ended up cleaning the little black boxes and the cords and the cables behind and underneath he desk too this weekend because we had to install MY new computer (oh yeah!!) and it's terrible what you find there isn't it?

Treehouse Chef said...

That sounds like a bargin to me. Glad you back in cyberworld!

Tatersmama said...

darsden, I'm starting to get a bit worried here. NOT! ;-)

I gotta tell ya, It's always good to see your smiling face - even if you are stalking!
Will I EVER get caught up? You gals have given me a lot to read through!

~~~~
Bz, I cranked these babies up yesterday... and I danced 'til I cramped ! Geez, I don't remember BTO ever sounding this good! And Floyd Cramer? Oh my!!
I even had my little girl dancing like there was no tomorrow!

Oh...and my hairbrush has now been replaced with a wooden spoon. ;-)

~~~~
Terry, I'm glad that you kept stopping by! But you could have used that time to clean your computer cords and little black boxes... or something much more worthwhile ! ;-)

~~~~
Sue, Ah honey, you ARE easily amused, aren't you! YOU"RE the one with the gift - so don't argue!

I'm still playing catch-up, so watch out... I'll be coming to your neighborhood ermmm.... bloghood soon!
I've MISSED you! ;-)

~~~~
Narelle, And you managed to stay sane? I envy you - because I would have just gone out and blown a LOT of money on a new one!!!

Patience is NOT one of my virtues, let me tell you!
I'll tell you what my virtues are when I figure them out! ;-)

~~~~
Kurichan, While I was out getting Sean here, I stopped by the Mocha Shop and they had Reeces PB Cups! I only got a few - just to tide me over until Costco opens, mind you!!! ;-)

Roll on, July!!!!

~~~~
Joyful Chaos, Thank you! I'm loving everything I've read so far on your blog ... so keep up the good work! (isn't this fun - and theraputic?) Your stories are fascinating and a joy to read!
I'm so glad I've met you! :-)

~~~~
Fruitcake Sandy, You're luck to have the help! I'm a real neophyte, and it's been hard feeling my way around in the dark, but the friendships I've made, have made it all worthwhile!

And I have to tell you... I'm loving getting to know the woman behind my lovely Bz!

~~~~
Jennifer, It sounds like you need another computer...LOL! I was half tempted to get a notebook while I was drooling over sweet Sean here - just so I would have back-up!

Now the question is... Do you get jealous because you're not getting his attention - or do you just want the computer? ;-)

~~~~
Kit, Thanks! But what do you have to be jealous of? Girl, with what you've got going on, you've been blessed beyond measure... and I ain't just talking just about Sean here!

xoxo

~~~~
Robynn, At our age, regularity is important - so don't discount it! Have a prune juice - it's on me! *snort*

Don't you just HATE when the men folk ask you to do that boring sh**? The ice pick almost sounds enticing! I was LMAO of the "I'm sure that means SOMETHING" !!! ;-)
xoxoxox

~~~~
Jientje, Good for YOU! Although with your photos and talents and all, I think you would leave me in the dust, monitor wise!

And your photos on this new HUGE monitor? Simply breathtaking!
muuuuuuaahhhhh!

~~~~
Treehouse Chef... Do you have any idea how priceless my friends are? I felt like I was in heaven when I got to get back and start checking on my friends again!

Oh...and I love your new header! With winter coming on here, the new one makes me feel all warm and smiley!

Sherri said...

Welcome Back! I was getting ready to call Josh and Bec if I hadn't seen that you were back on.

BTW..I did call Bec, and their doing just fine. :)

darsden said...

LOL, I'm still here... am the nice kind of stalker though :-)) I think! ... ;-)

Marjie said...

Ain't life grand, when a good looking dude walks through your door to do your every bidding....well, almost every bidding?

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oh am I giggling.... this is just fabulous and how glad are we all that you are back here with us again!
Oh, and less of that Big Screen, yeah??! Mine is Tiddly Squat as we say here in England. Small.
But Beautifully Formed. (crap, actually)
Isnt it pure hell to talk to people thousands of miles away who keep asking the Same Damned Questions... Hooray for the Smart Man who Got Dirty in Your House!!!

Tatersmama said...

sherri, next time you talk to Josh and Bec, could you please ask them if they got Griff's presents? *sheeeeeesh*
~~~~
darsden, At what point do I NEED to start worrying? *snort* ;-)
~~~~
Marjie, Hun, life's grander than you know! I' feel absolutely spoiled rotten!
~~~~
Ladybird World Mother, Got ya.
;-) No more bragging. Mum's the word from here on out - I promise.

But it's kind of sad that he wasn't a dirty man who got smart - or make that lucky, in my house. Kind of dreaming of Sean, eh?

Irene said...

Hi Katie
I'm glad you are back online too!!
I must come around to have a look at this new monitor and speakers, guess I know what to buy you for your birthday now.
I know how you felt as I was off line over easter and as you know right in the middle of university asignments.
I do actually dust behind my tower a handy hint is to place a box fan behind the tower during really hot days.
Dust behind the fridge and freezer no I don't do that though I should.


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