Thursday, February 11, 2010

It's been a long, bumpy ride...

There's been a lot going on here lately - some good, some bad - and that's my excuse for being missing in action.
There hasn't been a single solitary day that I haven't sat down here at the computer and had every intention of posting, and catching up on what y'all are doing... but then life seems to get in the way.

And for the last week, I've been in a hell of a mood because of a culmination of circumstances with the 'bad stuff'... and then I realized that not talking about it, is even worse than dumping my troubles on you.
Well for me anyway. You have the option of not reading, but for the sake of my sanity, I don't have the option of not talking about it.

See... I got fired.
Well, not fired, exactly, but the outcome is the same, and the repercussions as well as the heartache are the same as having the proverbial rug pulled out from under me.

Remember the young lad with autism that I've mentioned in the past? The one who has lived with me part-time/permanently for the last 2 years or so? The one who grabbed my heart, made me laugh, made me smile and occasionally made me pull my hair out?

Well, his mother is a real piece of work, and after me standing my ground with her last week, she had me summarily fired.
Fortunately, the service we were working through, doesn't agree with her actions or her take on things... so I'm still employed by the service and they're anxious to place another child with me asap.

Only I'm no ready yet.

I honestly feel that I've been in an abusive relationship for the last several years, and like a lot of women out there, I've chosen to stay in the relationship for the sake of the child.

This isn't of his making, and to be quite frank about it all, he needed the stability, consistency, and affection that I offered him - all things that he wasn't getting at home.
He was mine... and I couldn't have loved him any more if I had given birth to him.
I wasn't in it for the money like his mother is, (ha... money? What money?
This was a labor of love for me) and I apologize about seeming so critical about her, but IMO, this woman doesn't deserve one iota of pity or understanding.

Ah.. never mind.
It's still too hard to talk about, because my hearts' breaking... but I just thought you deserved some explanation for my "missing-in-action"-ness


Marjie said...

So sorry! I know you get attached when someone's around all the time for 2 years. Hugs from afar, and big doggy kisses from Thor

Diannia said...

Oh you poor dear! I know exactly what you are dealing with and feel your pain. My son and his girlfriend moved in with us 4 years ago when their oldest daughter was born. Had another girl 2 years later and then the now wife moved out a year ago last Dec without the children. She now has decided she wants more of her rights and time back with the children...and the courts agreed. She now has them 3 days and nights per week. The only good thing is that she has to continue living with her mother and if she moves out she goes back to supervised visitation. I'm not their mother and yet have been like one for the past 4 yrs and after being gone for a yr she can waltz back in and claim she was young and stupid (ok so the stupid part was my word for her not her's). Anyway you vent any time you want and I guess I just did too!

CindyDianne said...

Oh, that must be very, very difficult. I am sorry. You're in my thoughts as your heart heals.

Gramma 2 Many said...

Sorry to come over here and see such sad news. It is so difficult when we love another so deeply.
There just are not the right words to say right now, just know we all care.

farmlady said...

OMG! This is why I could never do this for a living. The attachment for these children is so strong and even more so if they have dysfunctional families. What a hard time you're having. I feel so bad, but I'm glad you told us and gave it some words.
Something good will come of this. Something good waits....

Kurichan said...

Sorry to hear this, as I know that the stability and care you have given him over the years has been far better than anything his birth mother has given him. I know you have even looked into a permanent care situation with him. This is disappointing, in that it is the child who is disadvantaged. I know you are struggling and upset, and that is because you know you are the best thing for him. So is that the end of it? Will you no longer be looking after him? This is so wrong...

Narelle Nettelbeck said...

Oh how unfair to your man and yourself and how very selfish of the mother.

Take time to heal, pray for your boy and take good care of yourself :)

jennypilgrim said...

You are in my prayers. I know it must be hard for you right now, just remember we are here for you :)


Little Kimba said...

I know just how you feel because the same thing happened to me with my father. My sister is the legal guardian of my invalid father. She got in trouble with the nursing home he was in because she was spending all of his pension. So she asked me if she brought him home could I help take care of him. I took care of him for eight hours every day for a year and a half. During that time my dad and I grew very close. In December, she decided that she didn't want to continue my $90/wk pay and went from a refusal to clean him at all to taking care of him herself. Since then, he has had pneumonia, weight loss and a pressure sore that will not heal. I can hardly bear to speak to her, I am so hurt and angry. I really need to get over this, talking about it helps.

Nancy M. said...

I'm so sorry! I hate to hear about the things you've had to go through because of her! I know it's gotta be hard being away from him too! Don't ever feel bad for letting it all out! {{HUGS}}

Homestay Mama said...

OK, my circumstances weren't the same as yours, but I know what it's like to love someone else's child and then have them taken away. It hurts big time! And it hurts a long time, too!

*Hugs* my dear friend.


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