I'm too nice.
I just don't know how to say no... until later, that is.
Today's Monday, right? And Monday means that it's my day off.
I don't work on Mondays even though I actually need the money... because I figure that as hard as I work, I need at least one day a week that's completely and totally mine.
Me time... as it were.
Time to schedule appointments. Time to go grocery shopping without having to deal with the weekend crowds. Time to just sit and vegetate, to play on the computer, read books and even take Nana naps if I want to.
So... what led me to this eye opening epiphany, and my realizing that I'm just too bloody nice, is that a parent called me on Saturday (it was my working weekend) and asked me if I could have her little one on this coming Monday and Friday - starting at some ridiculous hour in the morning.
I told her Friday was fine, but I hemmed and hawed on working on Monday... and then I eventually capitulated and said 'yes'.
And then I rang her back 30 minutes later and said "no".
The problem is, is that I got her voice mail, and I left her a message saying "no".
And she never got back to me.
So here it is Monday morning... and here I sit, half nekkid and wondering what in the hell I was thinking.
Did she get the message?
Why did I say yes, in the first place?
Is she going to show up with the little one and ruin my plans for the day?
Do I finish getting dressed in my good pants, or do I get dressed in my kid pants?
(see? there's the explanation for the half nekkid-ness)
Why do I do stuff like this?
Am I seeking approval from virtual strangers, because I want people to like me... and because I'm such a spineless, weak-kneed loser, I don't know how to say no?
What's my problem? Did something happen in my childhood that ended up making me this way? Was I in some sort of competition with my not-so-nice little sister... and in order to stand out and one-up her, I opted to be the "nice" sister?
Is this why I allowed Valerie Firstenburger to spend years torturing me, by calling me back when I was halfway up the block, telling me she had something important to say... and then just yanking my ponytail?
And then me falling for it again the next day?
Is this why I kissed Steve Somebody-or-other when I was 17, even though he didn't have any front teeth and he had the personality of a dead rat... but he did have a really cool car?
Because I just don't know how to say N.O. .. no?
I'll just put on my kid pants, and change into my good pants if the mother doesn't show up.
And then I'll spend the day psychoanalyzing myself some more.
Update: The mum showed at 7am; I told her that I had left her two messages on Saturday, saying I was unable to care for the little guy on Monday... so now I get to put my good pants on !