Friday, March 5, 2010

Things I have learned...

Millipedes bite. (Or are they centipedes? Never mind, since I'm not counting their bloody legs anyway. All I care about, is that they bite.)

If I go grocery shopping without a list, I get heaps of things I didn't mean to buy.. and then come home without the stuff I actually needed.

If the Old Guy says he will be here at 9, so don't worry... don't believe him.

Children have a different idea of "tidy" than I do.

Men have a different idea of "messy" than I do.

Life is always better if you have sprinkles.

Don't lay on the couch with a child, while they're watching The Wiggles, and then fall alseep.

Raisins really do fit up your nostrils.

Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't caught anything except a cold, you're still better off than the worm.

If they're gonna draw on the wall, they'll always do it behind the couch.

Stomping on millipedes and then walking on the carpet before wiping your shoes, is not a good idea.

Dishes that the Old Guy washes, need to be washed again.

It doesn't matter who started it.

If the Old Guy swears he'll cook dinner tonight, don't trust him.

Some people consider toast dinner.

Friends who won't listen to your words of wisdom, will listen to your other friends words of wisdom... when you're the one who told the 2nd friend those same little words of wisdom in the first place.

Screwing up a paper towel, and then setting it alight to burn up millipedes doesn't work.

Fire extinguishers are handy things to have.

The smell of burned nose hairs can make you gag.

The smell of burned millipedes will make you gag too.

If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, your neighbor is probably watering illegally.

Unless the butter is doing a tap dance in the fridge, your partner will never see it.

Desitin is lousy as a toothpaste.

A watched pot really does boil. But you miss out on about 15 minutes of your life while you're watching the pot to see if it does.

Sweeping the kitchen floor is an unnecessary waste of time, since babies can make an entire meal out of the crumbs beneath the table.

and finally...

You can't ask to start over, just because you're losing the game.


joolzmac said...

When someone asks me 'So, what do you know...? I say,

'Eggs don't bounce, bananas don't bend and you can't eat chocolate if you haven't got any!"

Love your list!

Cheers - Joolz

Kathy said...

Wow!! those are some really informative things you've learned. Also very entertaining.

Robynn's Ravings said...

This is one reason I love you: your wisdom. That milipede and flaming paper towel thing may save my life. Now, here's the deal. You GOTTA have a little propane blow torch. It's how I clean the backyard. I move stuff, look for black widows and earwigs, and then I nuke 'em. It is highly satisfying. And the aroma of dying horrid things actually cheers me. Almost as much as toast.

Now, the other point about listening to other friends who are only echoing statements you've ALREADY made? Priceless. Please expand it to include anything your husband and children hear from someone else, too. They hear it from us 100 times, and someone else ONCE. Suddenly, it's all new and makes FABULOUS sense! This should seriously be considered as the 8th Wonder of the World.

Robynn's Ravings said...

Oh GUESS WHAT??! My word veri was just "gasenfu."

"I light my propane torch and I am a gas-en-fu!"

Nancy M. said...

What great words of wisdom! You always make me laugh!

Katidids said...

Bhahahaha! I'd love the story behind each lesson!

Marjie said...

You forgot that the dog will always find the section of carpet you just vacuumed, and sit there to shed!

Ladybird World Mother said...

I LOVE this list!!! Think I will have to print it out and let my friends have a read... so funny. Except they will want to know who Old Guy is, and how will I explain all of that??! Fab. Life is always better if you have sprinkles!! LOL. As I said... fab. xxx

Homestay Mama said...

OK, with a house full of men, I can see where I will need a copy of Tatersmam's Book of Wise Sayings! :-)

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, you are so very funny!!!! Love this list!!!! Sooo true about the different definitions of messy...and the making dinner, etc!!! Thanks for the big, big, big smiles and chuckles today!!! Loved this!!! ~Janine XO

P.S. I'm ROFL over Robynn's word veri!! You two are a great comedy team!!!! XO

Libby's Library said...

No Crisco wisdom?
Robynn is SICK!
I love you both:-)
Remind me to hide my propane blow torch when my grandsons come to visit!
(No, I don't use it to fry bugs... just to make creme brulee:-)

Roslyn said...

"Desitin is lousy toothpaste"
So is Preparation H!


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