Millipedes bite. (Or are they centipedes? Never mind, since I'm not counting their bloody legs anyway. All I care about, is that they bite.)
If I go grocery shopping without a list, I get heaps of things I didn't mean to buy.. and then come home without the stuff I actually needed.
If the Old Guy says he will be here at 9, so don't worry... don't believe him.
Children have a different idea of "tidy" than I do.
Men have a different idea of "messy" than I do.
Life is always better if you have sprinkles.
Don't lay on the couch with a child, while they're watching The Wiggles, and then fall alseep.
Raisins really do fit up your nostrils.
Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't caught anything except a cold, you're still better off than the worm.
If they're gonna draw on the wall, they'll always do it behind the couch.
Stomping on millipedes and then walking on the carpet before wiping your shoes, is not a good idea.
Dishes that the Old Guy washes, need to be washed again.
It doesn't matter who started it.
If the Old Guy swears he'll cook dinner tonight, don't trust him.
Some people consider toast dinner.
Friends who won't listen to your words of wisdom, will listen to your other friends words of wisdom... when you're the one who told the 2nd friend those same little words of wisdom in the first place.
Screwing up a paper towel, and then setting it alight to burn up millipedes doesn't work.
Fire extinguishers are handy things to have.
The smell of burned nose hairs can make you gag.
The smell of burned millipedes will make you gag too.
If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, your neighbor is probably watering illegally.
Unless the butter is doing a tap dance in the fridge, your partner will never see it.
Desitin is lousy as a toothpaste.
A watched pot really does boil. But you miss out on about 15 minutes of your life while you're watching the pot to see if it does.
Sweeping the kitchen floor is an unnecessary waste of time, since babies can make an entire meal out of the crumbs beneath the table.
You can't ask to start over, just because you're losing the game.