I've got this friend.
Let's call her Lee, for want of a better name. ( well actually, her name is Lee-Ann but I'm trying to retain her anonymity here) She's also known as Old Chook, Lee-Lou-Belle, The perfume bottle woman and a whole host of other names as well.
But we'll stick to Lee for the purpose of this post, so no one will guess who she is, okay? Okay.
At least
she won't guess.
Lee's, ummm...
different. She's an old bikie chick - which is "biker chick" to you northern hemisphere-ers.
She's skinny as a rail and she eats the most unimaginable diet I've ever heard of. See, she eats chocolate.
That's it.
Chocolate and coffee.
Mostly chocolate, because too much caffeine is bad for you.
The first few times I met her, I knew she was a bit different, and I thought that maybe it had something to do with the large lump or growth in her cheek. You know... maybe some disease that caused her to walk all wonky, slur her words, have huge purple swollen hands and have this huge sticky-out bulge inside her left cheek.
Until I found out that the cheek thing was just a hunk of chocolate.
The chocolate doesn't cause her to walk funny or to slur her words (but to be honest, a lump of chocolate it doesn't help much when you're trying to understand her either.) but it's the after effects of the stroke she had when her youngest was born 30 years ago, that causes those things.
She dresses like a bag lady, but I have to be honest and say that if
anyone could pull off wearing a hot pink bra with a brown singlet and a size 6, short gray halter-neck maternity dress, my old Red-Hat granny bonnet on her head, with fuzzy white socks, old lady clunky shoes and legs that haven't seen a razor in 30 years, it's Lee.
I would never be caught dead in some of the things that she wears, but somehow Lee just has a way of making you want to
try wearin' that stuff. Because it looks cool.
She's cool.
She drops around for a visit and says she was "just in the neighborhood". Which is a lie, because we live no where near each other and she has no other reason but
me to even be
in this part of town. But it always makes me feel good... you know?
Besides, there's no talking on the phone for Lee and I, because her voice is...ODD. So it's basically talking face-to-face, or nuthin' at all. Her voice is all raspy, whispery and shaky from the stroke... and when she rings me on the phone in an emergency, I always have to call her husband and ask him to translate. In person, it's fine. On the phone ? Well, it's another matter entirely. She sounds like Donald Duck with a speech impediment... and on quaaludes, to boot..
When she comes around, I'll make her a cup off coffee, which I can only half fill and have to carry out the back for her. Because she's so clumsy with her swollen purple hands, with fingers that look like bloated sausages - that she can still spill even half a cup of coffee, leaving nothin' but dregs - before it even gets out the door. Or even to her lips.
And while we're chatting, she gets so worked up and excited, that her false teeth keep popping out, so she just shoves 'em back in with the hand that's precariously holding the coffee cup... and keeps on a-yackin' and wipin' at the coffee stains that she keeps sloshing down the front of her clothes.
She brought me a small box of chocolates last week, telling me that she had gotten 2 beautiful expensive boxes of chocolate for Christmas and a cheap one... so she brought me this cheap one. And then she proceeds to eat it most of it herself and when she leaves, she puts what's left, back in her purse.
But that's Lee. And I don't mind at all.
I've gotten on to her
bazillions of times about her diet ...and I've told her she needs to start eating healthier foods and more variety. Eat some grains. Eat some greens, or maybe some fruit or meat. Even a few eggs would do you a world of good.
Because as good as chocolate is - and we all know that it's
good - well, it certainly isn't a healthy diet if you're not eating
anything else.
"Lee, you need to go to the doctor and have a check-up, because your "Nuthin' but Chocolate" diet isn't any good for you."
So, because she loves me, she goes to the doctor... who proceeds to tell her that her blood sugar is perfect. Her heart and her blood pressure is perfect. All her blood work is perfect.
He tells her, "Lee what ever it is you're doing... keep up the good work."
Lee should have died 30 years ago. But her spirit and her joy for life and her children - and now her grandson, has kept her battling and conquering, long after most other people would have given up.
I have no worries at all about her ever reading any of this, because she's one of those people who will concentrate fully on whatever it is she
likes to do, but when it comes to the other stuff, she's absolutely hopeless. She buys stuff all the time on eBay, but when a seller sends her a message, she always has to come around here, so that I can show her how to reply.
Reading blogs about people she doesn't even know? Nope. Reading
my blog, just because she loves me? Nope again. She just couldn't care less. Oh, she would if I
asked her to, but I know what her likes and limitations are, and I work with 'em.
Lee is one of those people who just naturally teaches you love and tolerance. Who shows you how to be the best friend you can be - by example. Who opens you to the beauty of just loving someone for who they are
inside and not letting the external part influence you in any way. Who opens you to all the possibilities of living joyfully, no matter how hard things can be.
When she leaves my house, I always get a big, squeezey, "rocking-back-and-forth" bear-hug and she always tells me how much she cherishes me.
Lee Lou-Belle-Kadiddlehopper... I cherish you too.