Sunday, March 29, 2009

My (not so ) Secret Crisco Obsession




I have to thank Libby at Nea's Nuttiness for this post. Whether you thank her by the time I'm done, may be another story altogether.

I like Crisco, okay? I like baking with it and nuthin' but nuthin' beats it, for making a flaky pie crust, as far as I'm concerned.
I used to use regular and butter flavor Crisco all the time... and the butter flavor was perfect for Nestle's Toll House Cookies.

But here in Australia, Crisco is rarer than hen's teeth and unfortunately, I haven't made a good flaky pie crust in almost 14 years. You can buy Copra here, which is classed as a solid vegetable shortening, but it's made with coconut oil and flesh and has a definite coconut-y taste. Plus it's not just solid, it's hard, (think refrigerated butter) so even when you use it in cooking, once it cools, it hardens... and becomes almost brittle. There's none of the wonderful velvety texture or smooth almost non-existent flavor of Crisco brand solid vegetable shortening.
I just don't like the flavor, the texture or the waxy feel that Copra leaves in your mouth, because it doesn't really blend... you know?
Here's a definition of Copha:
Copha is a form of vegetable shortening made from coconut oil and flesh. It is popular in Australia - it is used in many recipes for children, such as chocolate crackles, made from Kellogg's Rice Bubbles, copha, and chocolate.

Now, to get back to the Crisco story...
I've never seen Crisco ( other than Crisco oil, which is readily available) in the grocery stores, but I can order a can from USA Foods in Melbourne.
See?
Crisco 1lb
1lb
$6.99
Crisco 3 lb
3lb
$14.99
Crisco 6 lb can
6 lb
$24.99
Crisco sticks - Out of stock
20 oz
$6.29

Now, those prices aren't too bad ( although I have to admit they give me severe heart palpitations) but when you add the exorbitant postage costs on to that, we're talking BIG bucks and I just can't justify it.
So I carry on. I whinge and grizzle and I come right to the very edge of obsession.
I admit it. I love my Crisco.

However...

I've been told that Crisco is readily available here in Australia... but you just have to go into Sex Shops to get it. Yep, you heard me right.
Here in Australia, Crisco is a sexual aid. It's used for errmmmmmm.... I dunno. I think if I allowed myself to think hard enough, I might come up with an explanation, but I don't even want my mind to go there!
(When I googled "Crisco photos", suddenly I saw more than I bargained for... and had to quickly divert my poor eyes.
Go on...go for it... I dare ya)

Somewhere in Australia right at this very minute, 2 guys are sitting around the breakfast table... and 1 guy is saying stuff like " Dick, I'm feeling romantic, so why don't you stop by Dildo's R Us on your way home from work tonight, and pick us up a can of Crisco?"

No offence boys... but just just the thought of Crisco being used for anything other than flaky pie crust, well... it kind of puts me off my cookies, you know?

So there ya have it in a nutshell.

I miss my Crisco.
But I'm NOT obsessed.


37 comments:

Homestay Mama said...

Oh, dear! Oh my! I'll never see Crisco in the same light again! Ever!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go wash my eyes!

Reddirt Woman said...

My momma's pie crust was light and flaky and she also swore by Crisco. She would never have understood some of the "alternative" uses for it. Thank goodness...

Great post. If you get where you just have to have some Crisco, e-mail me with your address. God forbid you have to go to a sex shop to by Crisco.

ROTFL.

Helen

Tatersmama said...

Homestay Mama... I KNOW! I'm almost too embarrassed to have it in my cupboards, in case these Aussies think it's for another purpose!
~~~
Redirt Woman, It's good for dry skin on your feet and elbows too, but shhhhhhhhhh! Couldn't you just see me explaining to some SS clerk that "It's for my ELBOWS ! I swear it is!!"

Kathy said...

Well, that sure opened my eyes. If you need to go to the sex shop to buy it do you need to wear a disguise so nobody recognizes you as you come out? Who da thunk it?

Frugal Maven said...

I always learn something new here! If it's so good they're importing it for the alternative uses, might be worth checking it out. I can see your next post: 20 ways to use Crisco in and out of the kitchen!

Pam said...

Dildo's R Us!! You are killing me here!

Paula said...

So all of us that are willing to send you crisco....you might get a red flag from the police because they think you are running a gay sex ring operation...lol

I shudder to think but don't you all have baby oil around there? I mean crisco really? lol

Neas Nuttiness said...

Geesh - now my comments about CRISCO won't be nearly as mysterious. But you know that I won't be able to let it go...I just can't do it...nope, not yet anyway.

I do hope that you'll be able to buy CRISCO once that Cosco opens!!! You can sit in the car, and let the Old Guy go in and but the stuff.

Sherri said...

Damn, I wish I could afford to come and visit. I'm not easily embarrassed and would have no problem going into a sex shop and buying you Crisco. As far as that Copha stuff ewwwwwwwwww. Made from coconut and tastes like coconut ewwwwwwww I hate coconut!

The Wife said...

You just had to name the guy "Dick", didn't ya! ROTFL!!

Marilyn's Money said...

Good idea, let the "old guy" get it for you! My DH never gets embarassed!

Tatersmama said...

Kathy, I'm going to go in dressed as John Candy in "Armed and Dangerous" - and the Old Guy can be Eugene Levy!
~~~
Frugal Maven, You've given me an idea for my next post !
"Crisco... It's not just for Kitchens anymore!"
~~~
Pam, What else do you call it?
I was *blushing* even coming up with that one!
~~~
Paula, I can just see the headlines in the paper!
Yep, we've got baby oil and Vaseline here, but for some strange reason, Crisco is a favorite. I shudder to think of what they must pay for it!
~~~
Libby, Don't make me laugh! I've already got the Old Guys seat-less leather pants all lined up for Costco time!
~~~
Sherri, What would I do if I ran across one of my daycare parents in there??? Or the pastor?? I shudder to think! C'mon over and you can go to Dildo's R Us while I wait in the car!!
~~~
Kit, I actually introduced Dick to his boy friend !
I said : Dick, I'd like you to meet my friend Harry. Dick, this is Harry.
Harry...Dick.
ROFMAO!!

Tatersmama said...

Marilyn, my Old Guy would never buy me "ladies stuff" because he said "what if someone thought I was using them?"
Can't you just see him asking for CRISCO? He would die of embarrassment first!

rubiesrnotpurple said...

I thought you must have liked your sex flaky! Lor' you make me laugh woman. Big Hershey's kisses for you.

Reddirt Woman said...

I wanted to thank you for stopping by and ask you a question, too. When you fold your towels in thirds is it the long way so that the lay nicely over the rack? On my over-sized towels I fold them in half and then thirds because they fit on the shelves better, but when I hang them on the towel rack, they have to be just right.

Thanks again for stopping by... even if we are 'over and under' I think we have the same sense of humor... irreverent.

Helen

Reddirt Woman said...

After reading all your comments, I have to ask one more question... in the phone directory are the sex shops listed under 'Dial a Deviant'?

Helen (again)

I couldn't resist.

Jennifer said...

LOL! Yea, but you would really have to love a flaky pie crust to bare the embarrassment of walking into a sex shop to purchase it! Or maybe it is just me. I have also used it in homemade soap recipes..lots of uses for the stuff...apparently even more than I knew. hehe

farmlady said...

My Mom always used Crisco for pie crust. We always had a can of it in the refrigerator. Mom just told me it was for cooking and baking.
Please don't go to the sex shop for it, if Reddirt Woman doesn't send you some, I will.

First time to your site. Very funny and I will be back.

SassyDog said...

My Mama fried the best chicken with canned Crisco and I have never been able to fix it like her. Crisco is supposed to be good for your cracked heels, but wear socks unless you wanna break your neck! I know your place will pass with flying colors. Keep the faith!!

Country Whispers said...

Oh my goodness! I am sitting here laughing through your whole post. This is the first time I've visited but I'll be returning.
Have a great day!

The Blonde Duck said...

That's very...different.

Treehouse Chef said...

Okay if it is really Crisco sold in the adult stores, I think I would call first and make sure then go and purchase it.....or you can send your guy to go get it.

Jientje said...

I had never heard of it before.

And now I'll never forget!

The W.O.W. factor! said...

Yikes! Not sure I want to use Crisco again now...thanks!
If I could find lard (which soon I probably can) I'd use it, makes the best pie crusts!!
Now...
go on vacation Lady, I think you need one before you end up on one of the crazy Crisco Ads you are talking about!

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

All I can say is

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

ooooooohhhhhhh

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!


Smirk

Jen

Gramma 2 Many said...

I had to do it!!!! I had to click over.........I am laughing so hard I can barely type. Never knew and would have never thought it. It does give a whole new meaning to flaky.

Marjie said...

ummm...too much information?

I have a mental block against crisco. That's probably why I can;t make pie crust.

Carolynn said...

Okay, that's twice you made me laugh out loud today. OMG, you're a riot!

Thanks for leaving a note for me over at my place today and topping my faux pas on live television. Yours would definitely have been harder to live down!

The W.O.W. factor! said...

Hee Hee Hee! Glad I 'shamed' you into changing your undies!

Irene said...

Hey Katie sorry to tell you this but I've never seen Chrico in the local sex shop must be a city thing!!!!

ladyfi said...

LOL! So that's what Crisco really is??? ....

The Old Dairy said...

Here I was wondering what crisco was, so glad I now no so much about it.I always new to much information was a bad thing....
I use copha to make soap with...now I bet you can't do that with Crisco!!!!

garden girl said...

Too funny! I'd never have thought of Crisco for THAT!

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

The heck with the Crisco, I just saw over on Carolynns blog that you were on Captain Kangaroo?

That is too cool!


Jen

Sherri said...

Captain Kangaroo? Oh do tell

~~gail~~mooselovingmamabear said...

Another use for Crisco, I greased my bird feeder pole w/ it to keep the squirrels from eating the bird seed. They would slide down it and didn't like the taste of it getting it off their paws. Of course, when the Crisco was gone, they were in the feeder (but it was great fun to watch)...

Jinfamous said...

LOL, crisco... heres every mothers nightmare.

CRISCO BABY, AHHHHHHH!!! [pic below]

http://tinyurl.com/mt3usz


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