Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I know you're dying to know about my visit to the dentist...

Well, maybe not... but you're going to get the story anyway.

If I have to suffer, you have to suffer.

Look, the dentist I go to is a good guy and very likable, plus he's most definitely eye candy, but still... How can you really trust a person who likes fiddling around in people's mouths for a living? I mean... isn't that kind of weird? I have this vision of a little boy growing up liking the smell of fetid odors, poking tender bits with sharp objects and scraping slimy gunk off of stuff.
I'm sorry, but it's just weird.

I ended up opting to have both teeth pulled out. Not that I really wanted to, but there were some very definite cost considerations.
To save the one tooth would have involved doing a root canal ( at approx. $1,200) and then doing a crown ( another $1,200- $1400), so all up, it would have cost almost $2,500.

Now, that wouldn't have been too bad, if the deal came with a 100% money back, lifetime guarantee, but Dr Eye Candy warned me right off, that I may only get 2 or 3 years out of that tooth. For that kind of money, I want a life-time guarantee... guaranteeing that the tooth will still be going strong when I'm 90 years old!

So... I opted to have them both yanked.
Cost for 2 extractions, barring any complications ? $520 !!!
But... He gives you the teeth in a little bag afterwards. How cool is that?
That was the deciding factor... I've got to be honest here.

I warned him ahead of time that that those numbing injections don't always work too well on me, so he gave me enough numbing sh**, that I was totally numb to my eyeballs and my nose felt like an icicle.
(Did you know that if your nose is as dead as a doornail and you have to sneeze, you don't know it? I didn't either, but me and Dr Eye Candy found out the hard way. I think he had to surgically remove his little poky thing from the roof on my mouth.)
And why is it that when the dentist has you totally numbed to the gills and has 18 sharp implements in your mouth at one time, he suddenly wants to engage in idle chit-chat?
Not just grunt "yes or no" idle chit-chat, but stuff that requires you to respond with 8 word sentences?

Dentist: So how are you enjoying Australia? Have you been here long?
Me: Gnnnnnnch goooot. Ah eeen ha ha uteen eaehs.

Dentist: Wow... that long? Do you like footy?
Me : GNOOOOOOOO! Errrr uuuuufik ut a wak uh oooohfers.

Dentist: So what are you going to be doing with the rest of this lovely day? You have the day off, right?
Me: Hooofff anggee fannnnns, ut esssssss, I hoooooo huch uh ayyyeee ock.

And the part that gets me, is that he seems to understand it!
Maybe it's like when doctors are going through med school, they practice scribbling their handwriting so that no one but the pharmacist can decipher it ?
Maybe it's the same in dental school? They take a course in "sock in the mouth linguistics" and can understand every little uggghhhh and fuuuuggts we utter.

Anyway, now that the swelling has gone down a bit, I've come to the conclusion that I never really had a chubby face. I just had very big molars. I've now got this cool "super-model, cheeks sucked in look" going on and I think it helps highlight my cheekbones. How cool is that?

But the list of "things to avoid" afterwards? My lan ! Why don't they just tell you the 3 things left in life, that you can do?

Post Operative Care:
*If your lip is numb, be careful not to bite it. It may bleed.
*Don't drink hot beverages.
*Don't drink cold beverages.
*Don't suck through a straw.
*Avoid swallowing liquids for 4 hours, so the clot can form.
*Rinse gently, but don't spit. Allow the residue to dribble from your mouth.
*Bite down on the gauze for 20 minutes, or until the bleeding stops, but don't remove the gauze until the bleeding has ceased. ( figure this one out !!!)
*No hard foods until the gum heals. (there goes my plans for Corn Nuts and beef jerky)
*Maintain a diet of soft nutritious foods. (Hello Tapioca, you are a friend of mine)
*Avoid smoking or drinking alcohol , as well as taking part in strenuous activities such as running, jumping or competing in marathons for at least 24 hours.
*Avoid sex for 24 hours. (I've been doing that for years, and had no idea I was just trying to maintain my gum integrity!!)
* Contact your dentist immediately, if you have excessive bleeding, if you have pain, fever or prolonged swelling. Surgery phone no: 555-5555
*If you think you may have any problems after surgery hours, please contact us beforehand, as the phones are only manned from 9-5.
(what do you do? Contact them at 3 o'clock and say "I think I may have some swelling later on tonight"???)

I feel fine today.
I really do, but Holy Molars ! I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse!!

I might just go see if I can use my *whizzy stick* to blend up a Big Mac or something...


Narelle Nettelbeck said...

Sorry Kate - I had to skim read through this post - you know with my dentist phobia and all!

Hope it all heals soon and you get to eat that horse!

Robynn's Ravings said...

OMGOSH Katie. I TRULY think it's criminal that we have to choose between having teeth and not having teeth because of the outrageous cost.

We have dental insurance but no so you'd notice. It barely covers much of anything. Why do teeth fall into the "hardly covered" category? Don't we need them?

I'm glad you're feeling better and you write GREAT dental conversation. That's EXACTLY how it sounds and I think I even understood some of it.

And I'm with you....frankly I can't think of any I'd rather do LESS than poke around in someone's stinky mouth. I can always smell bad breath from six feet away as it is. (Because I never HAVE bad breath.......HACK......cough.)

Glad that all your years of abstinence have at least yielded healthy gums! LOL

Homestay Mama said...

Tatersmama, there was no such thing as skimming through this post! I'm still ROFL as I type this! I'm going to read this post again before my next trip to the dentist. And think about it when I'm in the chair. With my mind on your experiences, my own appointment should pass quickly. LOL

Hope you can eat soon. Don't think the sucked-in cheeks would look good on you!

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

OMG, this cracked me up!!! Cracked my son up too....he wanted to know what I was laughing at so I had to share ;)

Sorry you had to have two teeth pulled, but glad you are doing pretty good thus far! Here's to a speedy recovery

Neas Nuttiness said...

Whant to hear something funny? Who cares, I'm gonna tell ya anyway.
The 2 times I went to Hawaii, I had a dental emergency (yeah both times)the day before we this is the really funny part...the second time I had an abcessed molar. My dentist decided to pull the tooth, because he said...okay are you ready for this?...are you?...he said that my mouth was too small for him to be able to do a root canal!
Geeeeesh - you don't have to laugh that hard!
Maybe if he had just had some Crisco, he could have slid all those instruments of torture back far enough to do the job.
(By-the-way. going to Hawaii didn't really have anything to do with the story. I just like saying it.)
Now go sip your Big Mac.

Nancy M. said...

I love coming here! You always make me smile! I'm glad the pain is gone now. I had to make the same decision a couple years ago. I chose to have mine pulled too.

Tatersmama said...

Narelle, I'm always upfront with the dentist and tell them right off the bat "no offence, but I just don't like you!"
Just the thought of someone sticking their fingers in my mouth, makes me gag. ;-(
Robynn, Hey, I still have the rest of them, so it's no big loss I guess. It's more that I've had 'em for decades, and they're "mine"!!

Stinky Breath? Where are your robes, Ignacio?
"They were... stinky. These are my recreational clothes".
Homestay Mama, Just don't think of this post and start snorting while the dentist has sharp tools in your mouth! You would never let me live it down!! ;-)
MBFSSOB, I'm glad that you and your son had a laugh... ;-) I'm feeling almost good as new today, but after eating some chicken soup for lunch, I have a little noodle in my hole and it's bugging the heck out of me!!
Libby, He could get in there to wiggle and PULL a tooth, but he didn't have enough room to do a root canal? YEOUCH!!!
And as for your mouth being too small? LOLOLOLOL! Pull the other one, darlin' !
And the Hawaii bit? That's cruel, woman! Just plain cruel!! ;-)
And I DO wonder how many people would get the George and Gracie thing. Only us oldies, I'm afraid!!
Nancy, Isn't it sad that those are the kinds of choices we have to make?? Maybe we should go back to school and become dentists, eh? $520 an hour would be a great income, wouldn't it??

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

First the intruder kitty post, was hilarious, I sent it to a few friends, snort, giggle, laugh.

Glad to hear that the dental trauma is almost over. Will they give you implants? Those cost over $3000. And they love to recommend them.

I was thinking that a proctologist might be a worse career to go into. LOL got to wonder about them.


SassyDog said...

You mean he didn't stitch up the holes, my dentist did and it helped with the bleeding along with teabags. I'm sorry you had to go thru that but the cost is outrageous. I hated losing that tooth because as you age your cheeks sink in where the teeth are missing. Feel better soon and chew carefully!

Tatersmama said...

Muddy Boot Dreams,
I asked about the implants myself... and YES I'm going to get them in a year or so. All I have to do is ask the old guy for "implants". ;-)
Yeah, a proctologist would be even worse Can you imagine a Dr going home, and the wife/husband saying, "Did you see any a$$holes today, dear?" SNORT!!
I actually have a friend from medical school, who specialized in proctology... but nowadays, they prefer to call themselves "colorectal surgeons".
Which means that no one gets the joke "Kiss my Proktos" any more.
No, no stitches. What? You wanted me to take out a second mortgage?? Can you imagine the cost if they added 2 inches of surgical thread to the bill?
The teabags DO work a treat though... ;-)

Bz said...

Boy, you are a trooper. Blogging and all with two new holes in your head (but, then again I would think that it would take a trooper to uproot yourself from your native country and go elsewhere). Hope you get feeling better soon ...where you can eat that..... ummm... well, as a horse owner/lover...... where you can bite into something of substance.

Tatersmama said...

Bz, Are you inferring something ?
Two NEW holes in my head? LOL!
And since I'm a horse lover too, I might just settle for a bowl of scrambled eggs. ;-)

Kathy said...

I am just now picking myself up off the floor. That was one of the funniest blog posts I have ever read. I am sorry to be laughing at your expense but it was very funny...........glad you are doing better. Since the dentist gave you your teeth back maybe if you put them under your pillow the tooth fairy will kick in with some money towards the bill.

Sherri said...

Like I commented on facebook, I go to Mexicali and with everything included it costs me $50.00. and yes for anybody wondering they do have degrees and their offices are small but clean. When I take the kids to the dentist (they have insurance, I don't) I have to pay that much ($50.00) for the co-pay alone.

Irene said...

Well I was going to make sure I didn't tell you where Forest was..
Your dentist is he the one over in Howitt St?
If he is then he was the one that took out all my remaining teeth and gave me plastic ones.
Did I say how glad I was to have plastic teeth?
Custard and Jellies are all good at this time as is scrambled eggs or boiled eggs.
Sending hugs to you.

Kurichan said...

Katie---snicker, said you have "a little noodle in your hole"....hee hee hee...ok, that was my immature comment of the day!! ;-) Hope you are all better soon!

Homestay Mama said...

Katie, Come over to my blog when you get a chance. I have a little something waiting for you there.

Anonymous said...

So sorry, just an fyi thought I had a crown last year with no root canal, costs my dental insurance $1900 and my cost $420 out of pocket!

Staci said...

im dying....its soo funny how they can understand you even when you are very non understandable....haha its like my nail do they understand each others vietnamise allllll the way across the room at almost a whisper???? One of lifes mysteries!!!

Jientje said...

ROFL!!! I hate dentists, but it helps if they're eye candy though? You are so funny!!! I loved this story!

Paula said...

Okay, I know you just endured getting two teeth pulled and all, but I've got to tell you that I'm laughing so hard that I actually have tears coming down. The bit about the conversation just totally cracked me up, but when I got to the part about maintaining gum integrity, I just completely lost it. :-) Oh man, I need to go lay down for a while and recover. Hope you feel better soon.

Tatersmama said...

Kathy, I put the teeth under my pillow and all I got from the tooth fairy was a buck fifty. I guess this recession has hit everyone hard, eh? ;-)
Sherri, It would actually be cheaper to fly to the US and go to Mexico for dental treatment! Next time, I'll fly over, come stay with you and we can just go to Mexico for the day!
I've got several friends who regularly head down for their eye exams, glasses, prescriptions and dental work. But mainly, I just want to see you! ;-)
Irene, I was there, remember? ;-) No, Dr Maren is on Drummond Street... and oh my... he's GOOD!
Kurichan, I didn't expect anything more from you... ROFLMAO!
Noodle in my hole noodle in my home noodle in my hole... ;-) Tell me again, how old ARE we??
Marilyn, Wow! Isn't it sad that it's gotten so darned expensive? The good part of mine is that the root on the right side may well have had something to do with the reoccurring sinus infections, so if this cures both problems, I'll be as happy as a clam!!
Staci, Isn't it weird? Not that I know anything about manicurists, since I still bite my finger nails...;-) Shhhhhh...
Jientje, It's better than staring at some ugly guy with hair coming out his nose, so yes... Eye Candy does make a bad situation just a little more bearable. ;-)
Paula, Thanks darlin'. I hope you're recovered by now...LMAO!
I just want you to know that I have EXCELLENT gum integrity!!!


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