I know you're dying to know about my visit to the dentist...

Well, maybe not... but you're going to get the story anyway.

If I have to suffer, you have to suffer.

Look, the dentist I go to is a good guy and very likable, plus he's most definitely eye candy, but still... How can you really trust a person who likes fiddling around in people's mouths for a living? I mean... isn't that kind of weird? I have this vision of a little boy growing up liking the smell of fetid odors, poking tender bits with sharp objects and scraping slimy gunk off of stuff.
I'm sorry, but it's just weird.
Anyway...

I ended up opting to have both teeth pulled out. Not that I really wanted to, but there were some very definite cost considerations.
To save the one tooth would have involved doing a root canal ( at approx. $1,200) and then doing a crown ( another $1,200- $1400), so all up, it would have cost almost $2,500.

Now, that wouldn't have been too bad, if the deal came with a 100% money back, lifetime guarantee, but Dr Eye Candy warned me right off, that I may only get 2 or 3 years out of that tooth. For that kind of money, I want a life-time guarantee... guaranteeing that the tooth will still be going strong when I'm 90 years old!

So... I opted to have them both yanked.
Cost for 2 extractions, barring any complications ? $520 !!!
But... He gives you the teeth in a little bag afterwards. How cool is that?
That was the deciding factor... I've got to be honest here.

I warned him ahead of time that that those numbing injections don't always work too well on me, so he gave me enough numbing sh**, that I was totally numb to my eyeballs and my nose felt like an icicle.
(Did you know that if your nose is as dead as a doornail and you have to sneeze, you don't know it? I didn't either, but me and Dr Eye Candy found out the hard way. I think he had to surgically remove his little poky thing from the roof on my mouth.)
And why is it that when the dentist has you totally numbed to the gills and has 18 sharp implements in your mouth at one time, he suddenly wants to engage in idle chit-chat?
Not just grunt "yes or no" idle chit-chat, but stuff that requires you to respond with 8 word sentences?

Dentist: So how are you enjoying Australia? Have you been here long?
Me: Gnnnnnnch goooot. Ah eeen ha ha uteen eaehs.

Dentist: Wow... that long? Do you like footy?
Me : GNOOOOOOOO! Errrr uuuuufik ut a wak uh oooohfers.

Dentist: So what are you going to be doing with the rest of this lovely day? You have the day off, right?
Me: Hooofff anggee fannnnns, ut esssssss, I hoooooo huch uh ayyyeee ock.

And the part that gets me, is that he seems to understand it!
Maybe it's like when doctors are going through med school, they practice scribbling their handwriting so that no one but the pharmacist can decipher it ?
Maybe it's the same in dental school? They take a course in "sock in the mouth linguistics" and can understand every little uggghhhh and fuuuuggts we utter.

Anyway, now that the swelling has gone down a bit, I've come to the conclusion that I never really had a chubby face. I just had very big molars. I've now got this cool "super-model, cheeks sucked in look" going on and I think it helps highlight my cheekbones. How cool is that?

But the list of "things to avoid" afterwards? My lan ! Why don't they just tell you the 3 things left in life, that you can do?

Post Operative Care:
*If your lip is numb, be careful not to bite it. It may bleed.
*Don't drink hot beverages.
*Don't drink cold beverages.
*Don't suck through a straw.
*Avoid swallowing liquids for 4 hours, so the clot can form.
*Rinse gently, but don't spit. Allow the residue to dribble from your mouth.
*Bite down on the gauze for 20 minutes, or until the bleeding stops, but don't remove the gauze until the bleeding has ceased. ( figure this one out !!!)
*No hard foods until the gum heals. (there goes my plans for Corn Nuts and beef jerky)
*Maintain a diet of soft nutritious foods. (Hello Tapioca, you are a friend of mine)
*Avoid smoking or drinking alcohol , as well as taking part in strenuous activities such as running, jumping or competing in marathons for at least 24 hours.
*Avoid sex for 24 hours. (I've been doing that for years, and had no idea I was just trying to maintain my gum integrity!!)
* Contact your dentist immediately, if you have excessive bleeding, if you have pain, fever or prolonged swelling. Surgery phone no: 555-5555
*If you think you may have any problems after surgery hours, please contact us beforehand, as the phones are only manned from 9-5.
(what do you do? Contact them at 3 o'clock and say "I think I may have some swelling later on tonight"???)

I feel fine today.
I really do, but Holy Molars ! I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse!!

I might just go see if I can use my *whizzy stick* to blend up a Big Mac or something...