Saturday, April 4, 2009

In the garden (well, sort of)

Well... not really, but you know me... (insert rolling eyes here)

See, I was talkin' to Miz Rubie's on the phone last night ( and talkin' and talkin'... You know, like girls do) and she said something that just pure tickled my funny bone. Oh, it wasn't really funny, funny, but I think that's half the fun in laughing your arse off... There's no rhyme or reason to it.
Anything can set it off.

We were discussing a errrmmmm friend, when Miz Rubie's mentioned the little theme garden that this errrrm friend, had done for her little daycare children.
You know the stuff... a corner of the garden with little ferns and rocks and you put those little plastic dinosaurs all around and Voila! (or you could say Bob's ur Uncle/yeeeehaw or some-such)... you have an instant theme garden.

Anyway, while she was talking about some kind of water theme this person had used in a particular area of the yard, I was busy stuffing my face with semi-stolen Easter basket candy and I may have been distracted a bit. So when she said "seahorses", I thought she had in fact said "fetuses"... and I just lost it.

I started laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe... I was doubled over, my eyes were streaming... flecks of stolen Easter chocolate were shooting from my mouth, the words to the Beatles Ocopuses Garden were running through my head ... and I had to pee my pants so bad, I had to put the phone down and go visit the little girls room.

Picture it.
Rubie's is snorting and wooohooooing her arse off... I'm snorting and woooohooooing my arse off... but if I don't put this phone down right now, I'm gonna have to mop the floor.
So I put the phone down and off to the loo I went... where I made an interesting discovery.

I can not pee and laugh at the same time. At least while seated. Upright, it's obviously somewhat different.

Every time I started to do what I had gone in there for, I started laughing at the idea of a water-themed garden with little sea-horse fetuses growing under bushes all over again...
the words "I'd like to be under the sea, In an octopus' garden in the shade" kept running through my head
...and I just couldn't go for laughing so hard.

Sea.....Wooooooohaha horsehahahh snort snort weeeeeeeehohohohoh! Unhh Unhhh... waaaaahahaha!

I was dyin' there!!

Anyway, to make a long story short ( hey, I heard you say thank God - so don't think I didn't ) we eventually got off the phone (after 231 minutes (Rubie's... I owe ya)) and I started tidying up around the house, so I could go to bed. But I kept starting the wooooahahhahahaseahorsehahaha business all over again.

I eventually got to bed, pulled my book out from under the covers and attempted to read. But I just couldn't do it. I started in laughing my arse off, over and over again ... so rather than attempt to read through teary, watery eyes, I just put the book down, turned off the light and attempted to go to sleep.
Which I eventually did.
But THREE TIMES, I woke myself up, laughing my head off - and had to head for the loo again.

Where the whole business would start all over again. (insert rolling eyes and a heartfelt *sigh* here)

I managed to get through the rest of the night with no problems, woke refreshed and rested and headed to the kitchen to make the coffee. I dropped the spoon, and as I bent over to pick it up, my tummy muscles screamed in protest and I instantly thought "oh my goodness... some thing's seriously wrong with me! Is it appendicitis? A hernia? Some sort of life-threatening prolapse of my non-existent girlie-bits"?

And then it hit me.

It was from laughing so hard for hours straight last night... and I instantly started in whooopwhoopwoooooooooooohahahaa'in, all over again.

Okay, now that it's all written down in black and white, it looks kind of lame.
And it doesn't seem quite so funny anymore. uhnunh hooooounh!!!

Never mind.

I guess you just had to be there.


Neas Nuttiness said...

I'm beginning to think that you should check the expiration date on your Crisco...are you sniffing the stuff?

Paula said...

Yeh, I have had the laughing attacks before too. I can really feel you with the achy ribs from laughing but mine this week were from the dry heave about hurting.....

SassyDog said...

You are one funny lady! Depends or Poise Pads work well for times like that!! I thought I talked for a long time on the phone! Do you have call waiting??

Robynn's Ravings said...

ROFLhahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahaahahaaaaaaaaaa! I don't know why, but that CRACKED me up SO bad I roared all the way through. You and I would be USEless together! And then? When you thought you were dyin' of something the next morning? Prolapsed, missing girl parts? Well now I'm doin' it again! hahahahahahhahahahhahahhahaha!

Bob's Ur Uncle! There you go! I've already bawled for an hour today. Now I'm drained and ready to laugh over the stupidest things. No offense, mind you, to you OR your fetuses.

Kurichan said...

ok, chickadee...I think you may need some help...some professional help....
glad you are in a good mood!!!

Michaela Dunn Leeper said...

No more drugs for you, lady! LOL

Katidids said...

OMG I don't know what to say..still laughing like a loon.....

Reddirt Woman said...

This is one of the funniest and funnest posts I've read in a while... I've never thought about not being able to pee sitting on the pot laughing. I can pee laughing while sitting on the couch, or standing up or rolling on the floor laughing. I'll have to try uproarious laughter while on the pot to check your findings.

Thanks for the laugh. While it would have been fun to be there, I have a very vivid imagination.


rubiesrnotpurple said...

Oh damn I just wet myself!

My word is deupe - that could be dope which is what I think you were smoking when you heard fetus instead of seahorse.
(I can't remember how to spell fetus - I'm sure it's got an o in it ... well it does in Australia)

... and now I'm singing the damn song. ROFL MAO COPTA

Tatersmama said...

Libby, No, you sent me some of your meds...remember? Woooohoooounhunh snort snort!
Paula, Oh you poor baby! How are you feeling today? I'm going to make time to check on my friends this morning and you're top of the list!
*gentle hugs*
SassyDog, I think a bucket would have worked better, but it would have made it hard to walk! LOL!
Robynn, If it's true that laughter is the best medicine, we should be ready to take on Ramses any day now... so get that corn outta my face!
Kurichan, Honey, I think I'm beyond help! Lor' have mercy... I think I need some poppers. (which are being made today...wooo hooo!)
Michaela, Is coffee a drug? uh oh... Now how dumb was it to drink half a pot while talking on the phone at almost midnight? THAT'S my excuse and I'm stickin' to it! ;-)
Katie, Now don't YOU start... or I'll start up all over again! lololol!
Helen, Now I'm going to have this visual of you sitting on the pot andlaughing!!! ...Weeeeeeeehahahahaha! weeeeeweeeeee. all the way home!
( Now, how childish am I? ;-) )
Rubie's... You're just NOW wetting yourself? Liar, liar pants on fire!.
It had nothing to do with deupe... I swear that all I was doing was eating a poor child Easter candy! It's just that everytime I think of you, I just bust out laughing.
In a good way, you ungrateful twit!

rubiesrnotpurple said...

Typical ... make it my fault!
I am still laughing though - oh it feels so good. I will never be able to look at a seahorse again.

Neabear said...

I am still catching up here. And you go and slap me with another funny. Now my sides are starting to hurt. Or wait, my cramps might be coming back. Really I should spread this out and read your crazy posts a little at a time.


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