Goodbye Cruel World - part 2

I'm alive, I'M ALIVE!

Sort of. I managed to mostly sleep it off and now I'm just dealing with a hangover-type headache and the nausea. No chucking, and no pounding my brain with a jackhammer... so life is semi-good once again. I've got my darkest sunglasses on, an ice pack on my neck and the house is as dark as a tomb, so there might be hope for me yet.
Now all I need is a super strong espresso with lots of extra sugar and I might start to feel human again.

Treatments and cure-alls? There's no such thing I'm afraid.
At least not for this little brown duck anyway.
See, I've always used Cafergot and it almost always works.. although I can only handle the rectal suppository version of it.
Taking it orally never really works, because it always ends up being up-chucked - and unfortunately, if I'm not desperately trying to sleep off the migraine, or thinking of putting a sharpened stake through my brain, I'm doing my best to vomit up my toenails.

But rectal Cafergot suppositories ALWAYS worked for me, especially if I had someone handy to insert them. There were a couple of years when I was no longer married, that I thought about getting into a relationship with anyone ...and I mean ANYONE... I didn't care who it was.
I didn't give a rats patootie. It could have been Charles Manson for all I cared ... just so that someone would be handy to shove those waxy little miracle bullets up my bum.

So when I moved to Oz and started in getting the bad ones again, I went to doctor after doctor... and no Cafergot. Then I finally found a doctor that said "Yes indeedy, we do have Cafergot here, so I can give you a script for that. " And he did.
But it's not actually Cafergot.

They call it cafergot, but I'm here to tell you that it is NOT the same thing that I used for 30 years. It's a Cafergot wannabe.
It does not work.
Oh, it takes the edge off, a teeny tiny little bit, but it does NOT alleviate the headache at all. It does not work miracles. And when I'm in agony, I want a miracle.
And with the "good stuff" - the original stuff that I used and relied on for decades - I was willing to suffer any indignities necessary, when it came to asking someone to insert the 2nd, 3rd and 4th dose, ( I can do the first, but I'm too groggy for the next 3) because I knew that it was gonna work in just a few hours and I would soon be feeling back to normal again.

But with the Aussie version, it doesn't work well enough to even think about going through the humiliation of asking someone to stand by and insert things up my bottom. (like you really want to know that...right?)
I dunno what it is. Less of the secret ingredient... a sucky, watered down imitation-version of the key ingredient?
I just don't know. But when I say Cafergot here, what I ask for and what I actually get isn't the same thing at all.
It's like comparing The Real Thing... Coca Cola, to a cheap, store brand of cola.
Don't even go there, because you're not fooling me... one little whit.
So I'll say it again...
I can NOT get Cafergot in this country. Even though technically, I can.

I've tried it all. Hot packs, cold packs, massage, acupuncture, acupressure, HRT, beta-blockers, eliminating certain foods from my diet.... Whew, the list goes on and on.
I do have to say that acupuncture did work for about 6 months (and when we're talking about my migraines, that's like all my Christmases rolled into one) but I've never been able to find another decent acupuncturist since I moved to Oz.

Strong black coffee with 4-6 sugars helps a bit.
Coke (ya gotta drink it fast) and 2 Ibuprofen helps a bit.
Having the soles of my feet massaged really, really hard helps a bit.
Gently massaging the occipital bone of my skull helps a bit.
Soaking my feet in really hot water helps a bit.
There are a lot of things that "help a bit", but I crave something that will help a LOT - not just "a bit"... you know?
The only thing that truly, truly works, is Cafergot and sleeping it off.

I've been dealing with these suckers for 52 years.
When I was a kid, they were diagnosed as "Juvenile Migraines" and I was told that I would outgrow them. Well, I did outgrow them... but once I stopped being a juvenile, they morphed into the adult version, with nary a hiccup or a break in between.

Then they told me that they might be hormone-related ...and after having my hysterectomy, they might just disappear entirely.
That was another *guess* on their part. All I lost was my girly-guts.

One doctor even told me that only very intelligent people ...you know ... people with high IQ's , get migraines. The smarter you are, the more intense the migraine pain.
If that's true, I certainly haven't been living up to my full potential, now have I ?
Because if that little theory is correct, Albert Einstein would have nothing us " migraine suffers", would he?

Year before last, I had a 28 day migraine. I was going to the doctor every single day for 28 days and he would give me an injection, saying "this one will work". He said that to me 28 times - which makes him a big fat liar.
I would go home, stagger to bed and sleep like a baby, but the damn thing would still be there when I woke up again.
After 28 days of injections, I woke up one morning and it was suddenly gone.
Just GONE !!!
I ended up with a week of the "hangover affect" and couldn't eat anything for the week, but the intense pain was gone! And I praised Jesus!

A week later, that sucker was back again, but it was pretty short-lived and minor...
I was hoping that after suffering intensely and agonizingly for 28 days in a row, it would mean no more migraines for a year or two... but it just didn't work out that way.


I'm feeling okay this morning, but just to err on the side of caution, I've cancelled all my kids until Tuesday and I plan on staying in my cave - with my sunglasses on, until then.


Now... I'm gonna try and catch up on what y'all have been doing. ;-)