I discovered last night that I can eat anything I want and never again gain an ounce!
See, it was hot again yesterday, and a friend showed up in the afternoon, with a carton on Iced Coffee flavoured milk.
Now I know that I'm "big time lactose intolerant", but it just never entered my mind that that this stuff would affect me. Besides, Iced Coffee, poured over ice on a hot and humid day sounded so goooood... ya know? I never even thought of the "milk" part - just the "iced coffee" part.
So I had 2 small glasses.
BIG mistake.
We just had a light dinner of cold shredded chicken with veggies wrapped in tortillas, but I didn't have much of an appetite - due to the heat, which was causing me to have a tummy ache.. ( or so I thought)
But man.... by 8 o'clock, the stomach cramps hit. I paced the floor. I wept a little. I spent time in the "littlest room in the house". I paced some more and moaned for my mama. I wept. I Spent more time in the littlest room.
The end result, you ask?
I lost every calorie and bite of food that I've eaten in the last 113 days - all while sitting down !!
My belly is flat. My cheeks look gaunt. I've discovered (in theory anyway) that I can eat whatever I want - cakes, bread, KFC, candy bars, Scott Baio's Ricotta Cheese Puffs, lobster dipped in the purest drawn butter... And all I have to do is wash it down with a glass or two of milk. And lose a night's sleep! Easy Peasey!!
The lactose intolerance, is the reason that I only have a teeny tiny amount of milk in my coffee - because even that, makes me bloat up... and I'm left looking like I'm 15 months pregnant.
I teaspoon of milk causes me to bloat. A glass (or 2) of milk causes me to bloat, but then I rapidly ermmmmm... "un-bloat".
How clever am I ??
I'll be looking just like Heidi Klum in no time !
Sketches and Cursing
3 hours ago
13 comments:
oh my- now you sound like my hubby. That happens to him every time he eats chocolate. He swore he lost 20 pounds in 4 hours sitting on his throne!! lol
OMG lolololololol....this is why my husband stays soo thin, he eats and then bathroom, eats and then bathroom...over and over, shoooot id put up with it, the things we do for a flat tummy!!
btw this is staci...signed in as BD...MILK IT DOES YOUR BODY GOOD!!!
OMGosh... you're too funny. Although, I KNOW it was not funny when your littlest room in the house trips were ensuing. :-(
I totally know the feeling... but not form lactose intolerance, just your every now and then IBS.
Well, I guess you now know a quick weight loss trick.
I'm still feeling the "residuals" this morning, so on second thought, this might only be an "emergency" measure. *grins*
I just (pardon the expression) feel like crap, tummy-wise... but I'm revelling in my new flatter tummy!
Maybe THIS is the reason that men never seem to have the weight problems that we women have, eh?
Feeling bloated? Have a beer or some chocolate or some milk and then just go sit on the throne for a few hours.
lolololol!
Bz, Oh you poor darlin'!
IBS can be pretty miserable, I know! I have a friend who has it, and it's really limited the things we can do together. We end up having lots of barbeque's together at home, so the toity is always close at hand. :-(
Staci...
MILK IT DOES YOUR BODY GOOD!!!
*snort* !!!!!!!!!!!!
I had been feeling poorly like that for quit awhile (months) Not once did I feel I was lactose intolerant. Up until a couple weeks ago I cut out milk and any other milk product, cottage cheese :(, sour cream you know the good things in life. I feel so much better now, and my hiney is no longer glued to the potty.
Okay....unless you're enJOYing your life in the bathroom here's my tip: drink raw milk. It's all we drink around here because of the very problems you describe. It has tons of probiotics and healthy/good bacteria that digest the milk sugar so it doesn't cause this problem.
Make sure it's a GOOD dairy though and has adequate testing. We buy from a big time dealer in California. And it's SOOOO good. Two years now and NOT goin' strong - if ya know what I mean....!
Hey Miz Robynn,
I usually do. I only buy totally organic or raw milk for myself, but this was the cheap-arse regular grocery store stuff that I NEVER drink !
I have a beaut recipe (how's that for throwing an Aussie word in?) for homemade Iced coffee milk, but I only use the GOOD stuff. Good quality coffee and organic milk. And no, I don't share!
Yep, My milk, just like my friends.. Only the BEST is good enough for me!
I have IBS or candida also, and I'm supposed to avoid milk, too. I found that taking enzymes helps that problem tremendously. Digest Gold by Enzymetica is the brand that works best for me. I also have to avoid refined sugar and dried fruits and go very easy on the fresh fruit.
Robynn is right--raw milk is best, for the natural enzymes and healthy bacteria. But if you can't find a good, reputable farm to buy it from, try enzymes and probiotics.
Ohhhh, I do hope you feel better! I can't imagine being allergic per se to something I like. Now Cauliflower? I wouldn't care if I were allergic, and maybe I am! Never eat the stinky stuff!
Losing weight is not worth feeling ill for....so don't keep gulping that lactose!!
I truly know how bad this is. My DH is lactose intolerant, and even when he takes medication, he can only have a tiny amount of dairy at any given time....Two whole glasses of milk? I'm surprised that it wasn't worse.
Stick to the crisco, hee-hee. I'm never going to forget this. I git all tingly now, whenever I make baked goods!
Sherri, I guess it's good that you found out what's been bothering you, but it sucks that you have to cut out "the good things in life".
Now that your hiney isn't constantly glued to the throne, maybe your family will be happier?
(speaking of Family, I had a good long chat to MINE yesterday, so I'm dancin' here!)
Homestay Mama,
I get Raw milk from a local farm, but due to the drought, the farmer has gotten rid of one his "family" cows, so I only get the raw milk every few weeks or so. :-(
Organic doesn't seem to bother me much, but the cost does!
Barb, believe me. It'll be a looooong time before I touch regular milk again. I still feel a bit squirmy in the tummy, and even my fav. organic milk (in my coffee only) didn't settle well yesterday.
BUT I did get weighed yesterday and I'm down 2 kilos (about 4 lbs) from the middle of January!
The cookies Libby and I bought the other week did the same thing to me. Libby tried to warn me. And what did we do? We bought more cookies the next week! Of course this has nothing to do with being lactose intolerant but I do have that time to time I think which is why I eat very little ice cream.
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