When good deeds backfire...

I did something yesterday, that I sort of regret.
Yet in a way, I'm sort of proud of myself too - and more than a bit relieved..

Sort of.

See, I've spent the last 18 hours or so alternately beating myself up over it ... and patting myself on the back at the same time...

I'm starting to look like a bloody pretzel, believe me...

Between the knocking myself in the head and patting myself on the back, I am one twisted sister!

Mainly, I feel that I did the right thing.

I said what was in my heart and I did it for the right reasons and that can't be anything but a good thing... right?

So then why does it hurt so bad?

I'll tell ya about it, okay?

(deep breaths)

Hi, my name is Tatersmama and I'm a member of an online daycare group.

I've been with them for almost 2 years and as far as the other members go, well... I've met some great friends that I never ever want to lose track of... Special folks... ya know?

Like any on-line group, there are some pretty dicey moments, where tempers flare, things are said... but eventually everything smooths out again and peace reigns again. Then again, things can be as smooth as butter and there are no hassles for months on end.

Kind of like that old nursury rhyme:

There was a little girl,

Who had a little curl,

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, She was very, very good,

But when she was bad, she was horrid.

Yep, that's the perfect description.

Anyway...

About a year ago, this group was going to place an ad in a national magazine and one particular carer volunteered to collect money to help pay for the ad.

No worries mate... what a good idea.

It was helpful to the owner of the group, great advertising for us all...yada yada yada...

Quite a few of us donated what we could... and all was rosie.

Only, the ad didn't happen. (at that point, there was a good reason, so we weren't worried)

We would just put an ad in the next issue.

That too, fell through... and at that point, one particular member asked if we were going to get our money back. I backed her up, but we got no response.

I privately Pm-ed the woman.

I privately Pm-ed the group owner.

No ad, we want our money back... simple.. yes?

I got no response from anyone.

So about a week ago, I came across that particular thread again and re-opened the discussion.

Clearly, by the response, people wanted their money back, because we weren't talking chicken feed here. ( this is money to pay for a national ad... and they don't come cheap)

We were talking BIG money for some of us and smaller amounts for others... but at the end of the day, that was OUR money and we deserve an explanation as to where it went.

The only thing is, the member who had collected the money has virtually disappeared.

The group owner tried contacting her...

individual members sent her private messages and emails...

And we got nada.. nothing... no response... no explanation for almost 8 months.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday we finally got a response, and it wasn't nice.

No sir, it wasn't nice at all.

She YELLED at us through the whole message, accusing us of having called her dirty scum, a thief and on and on... even going to the point of airing her dirty laundry and then finishing with "THERE...I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY!

No one had called this woman names and I swear... no one had ever been anything but polite.

Maybe a bit firm because we were concerned as to where OUR money had gone, but I guarantee that we were ALL polite about it.

See, It's not in my nature to be anything but polite... and I will turn the other cheek so many times, that I look like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Anyone who knows me can tell you that.

So rather than get into a big hoo-ha over it, I simply replied:

"Thank you XXX, thanks for letting us know"

Which I guess, was the wrong thing to say. Because the diatribe continued.

We got more "SNARL SNARL SNARL, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll send you your money."

(well... snarl snarl snarl weren't her exact words, but I'll let you leave it up to your imagination)

So I purely and simply said:

( and this is copied and pasted directly from the site - or rather what was on the site)

XXXX,

I will be contacting you in the next day or so.

I was taught by my mother to think wisely and speak carefully and kindly at all times...and I'm afraid I'm not capable of doing either, at this point.

Better to wait, until I've calmed down and dried my tears.

That was IT.

Is there anything hateful or hurtful in that?

Yet it was immediately removed from the site, because it was deemed inflammatory and potentially hurtful.

HER message (Miss XXXX's nasty nasty diatribe) remained for hours.

Then, the owner came in with her message that basically read

"Oh XXXX, I knew you were just busy, gush gush, coo coo, hugs hugs, my dear friend."

I mean.... this response was just vomit-inducing and it was a clear slap in the face to everyone who had asked for their money back.

So... I posted a message that I would be leaving the group.

Again, being me, it was tastefully and politely done ...and I simply stated that I had decided to leave. No mention of why, no accusations, no mud-slinging - basically just

"I will be leaving the group on Friday and I will miss you all."

And the support I got? OMG... I had Pm's and emails all night long, asking me to re-think and stay on. Let it slide... we've all been there.... this is wrong... someone needs to say something... etc.

But I'm torn.

I feel like I've done my dash and to back down now...well, it would make me look foolish.

Sometimes it just comes down to a matter of principle, ya know?

Someone needed to say something and take a stand... and I did it out of the goodness of my heart. Not just for me, but for everyone involved.

And I got a good swift kick in the arse for my troubles.

But.. the group is a great resource for my job, with heaps of tips, activities and support.

Not to mention, some pretty great friends as well... and although we do keep in contact off-list, I would miss the group socialization, ya know?.

What to do? What to do ?