Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'm a dichotomy.. I really am.

dichotomy (dī-kŏt'a-mē)

noun., pl. -mies.
Division into two usually contradictory parts or opinions

This is my fridge

See, I was just in the kitchen making myself a cup of coffee this morning..
and when I opened the fridge to get the milk, I was struck by the fact that there are some really strange things in there. Not strange as in fuzzy green growths or anything, because I just did a major clean-out of the fridge when I moved it from one wall to the other last week.. and I know that everything in there is fresh as a daisy. But more along the lines of cheap nasty stuff sitting side by side with expensive imported stuff. And it struck me that I have unconsciously separated the "good" from the "bad". Like in, that they can't touch each other. Not that there is anything inherently "bad" about some of the items in my fridge, but you know what I mean. Or maybe you don't. If you don't, I'm not gonna take time to spell it out for you, because this is about my fridge.

And as I was gazing at the weird combinations of things in there, I thought to myself : "Oh my.. I'll have to take a photo". How sad is that? Not only that I would have the desire to take a picture of the contents of my fridge in the first place, but that I would even want to share it with anyone. Like you would want to see. I mean, it's weird that I would want to, but how much weirder is it that you would want to see what's in my fridge? Maybe we all need to get a life, hmmm?

Now I know that the pic is sort of fuzzy and you can't really "see" the stuff that you're longing to see... So for your convenience and for the sake of your eyes, I will list it for you.. Okay?

On the top shelf, we have:
Extra light sour cream, Kraft "Easy Cheese" in a can ( do not say a word...I like it, okay?) a large jar of imported German applesauce, a large jar of cheap sliced olives.. next to, but not touching, a small jar of imported Kalamata olives. Then there is: 2 jars of imported raspberry jam and a large jar of Welch's grape jelly, an expensive small jar of Maille mustard sitting in front of a squirt bottle of cheap "American-style" mustard... along with some cough syrup. There's a reason for the cough syrup in the fridge, but I'm not telling you what it is. Mainly because I can't remember - other than it seemed a good idea at the time.

Now... if you've stuck with me this far ( and if you have... WHY?) on the next shelf down, we have 2 bottles of beer, 2 cans of imported Folgers coffee and some assorted dairy snacks for the kids. I suspect one of the cans of coffee actually has coffee beans in it, because I vaguely remember it rattling when I put it in the fridge last week. The other is just regular ground coffee. My favorite brand of ground coffee. Folgers. The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup !

Now we come to the deli drawer. Now this is where I keep my "stash". The good stuff. The stuff I don't want anyone seeing... or touching. I'm a cheese freak. I love cheese. I don't care if it's on expensive water crackers or on a Ritz... I love my cheese.
Feta, Brie, Camembert, Saint André.., Mozzarella, Mascarpone, Cream Cheese, Ricotta,
Havarti, Gouda, Fontina, Edam, Colby, Cheddar, Jarlsberg, Swiss, Provolone, Gruyère, Double Gloucester,Parmesan, Asiago, Red Leicester, Dry Jack, Manchego, Aged Cheddar. Anything and everything except blue-veined cheese. That's just nasty.
Not that all of those cheeses are currently in the deli drawer... I'm just tellin' ya what I like.
Right now, I have a hunk of Gouda, a sliver of Jarlsberg, a small "net bag" of Baby Bells, and some no-name processed cheese slices - you know, the ones individually wrapped in plastic. There's also some prosciutto, salami and some cheap-arse sliced ham. Along with my secret and private stash of imported chocolates, hidden behind the processed cheese slices which are kept in a plastic container, so they don't touch the good stuff. No one would ever know that I HAD chocolate unless they were into cheap cheese and went pokin' around. Oh, and some rounds of home-made butter. Butter I make myself - for myself - from whole raw milk. Butter made from non-homogenized, unpasteurized whole milk. Organic stuff. Since if I'm gonna ingest fat, at least it's going to be "unadulterated" fat.

Okay... let's get this done with. I need to get a move on and start getting ready for my day, but I just can't stop here and leave you hanging, can I ? Far be it for me to leave you wondering what else is in my fridge, because I certainly don't want your day to be ruined, with you wondering "what else is there? I can't get through my day without knowing the rest of the story"

Let's see... some cheap margarine ( and you gotta take my word for it, it's my opinion that any margarine is "cheap stuff" and totally unnatural. I just buy it out of habit.) Then there's 2 jars of organic black strap molasses, 2 punnets of strawberries, a dozen eggs ( farm fresh of course) and half a dozen bottles of ginger beer.

Well, there's more, but I can't waste any more time. I have appointments and things to do shortly and I haven't done a thing around here other than shower and get dressed. See how much I think of you... and how important it is for me to share my pitiful refrigerator contents with y'all?
What I started out telling you is that there is a pretty eclectic mix of healthy organic stuff, imported high-end stuff and a very embarrassing bunch of cheap unhealthy crap in my fridge.
I'm such a very complex person. A very dichotomous person

Now you know.
Tomorrow, we'll start on the contents of my freezer.
Just kidding.


Narelle Nettelbeck said...

Where are your vegies????

Tatersmama said...

Ermmmm... I never got that far down, but I'll add another fridge post if you like ! Nahhh... :o)


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